Adopt-A-Thought

writing recommendations

2011-03-12T15:25:00.000-08:00

So, I have a bit of a harsh professor this semester, and he recommended that we each write something incredibly personal. For me, he suggested something to do with religion.

And that's something that scares the bejeezus out of me, to use that pun. it seems that if I wrote about that, it would come out so incredibly dark or so incredibly personal or so incredibly biased that I don't know if I could.

Woah what weird dream?

2011-03-01T11:59:00.000-08:00

So yeah. Another weird dream blog.

It started out with a cupcake competition. As all good dreams do. There was a cupcake competition on the back of a boat that Allen and I were the cleaning crew for. Not sure why. The grand prize was a gold necklace that somehow fit me perfectly. In order to compete, Allen and I had to crawl through the sand underneath the boat dock to hand the judge cupcakes, without the MC noticing. (BTW, the MC was wearing one of lady gaga's outfits)

But then, the zombie tsunami came. (my dreams words, not mine). It was a large tsunami that came without warning, and killed almost everyone. The rest of us had to flee deeper into the city to escape the dead, who were now crawling back to try to kill us as well.

Me and a group of people, about ten of us, no one I knew, had to flee back to an entirely inside labyrinth of a school. It wasn't a school I recognized. But it was haunted.

It was partially haunted by dogs that had been infected by the T-virus (t for tsunami, logically) who would come and try to rip people to shreds. Those were easy to take care of, you could just shoot them down and it'd be no problem.

Worse was the ghosts. They were the ghosts killed while doing something repetitive, so they're stuck doing it forever. If you disturb them, then they try to kill you. And they couldn't be killed (duh) so you had to try to defend yourself. The one that really scared me was the one playing baseball.

So we wandered through this labyrinth, and came across another group of survivors. There were joyous reunions by some, and I found a college friend, who sadly didn't recognize me until I brought up slenderman. Weird.

Then we came across a dog ghost, while we were all trying to sleep in a giant ballroom. The ghost dog came up and started sniffing us, and one lady said "Please don't attack, this is my peaceful drink, and I don't want to spill it." The dog slinked away, into the corner, keeping an eye on us. And that's when we realized that the ghosts could be talked to and reasoned with.

So the rest of the night we had to be very quiet, for if we moved too loudly the ghost dog raised it's head and growled.

And that was the dream.

3 of my most favorite possessions

2011-02-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

Continuing on this blogging thing. this one was, again, fairly difficult to iron down.

But I'm hoping that writing this will help me get motivated to start my outline. Again. This is like the 4th outline.

My camera. Yeah, the big old Canon digital eos rebel that's way less advanced then most point and shoot cameras are now. But I love it so much. So many good memories associated with that camera, and so many memories captured by that camera.
My flute. Cause it's amazingly beautiful, and I practiced so much with it for years. it saddens me that I haven't been as able to play it in recent times.
This one's gonna sound silly, but my external harddrives and backups of my stories. If my house/apartment started burning down, i would grab one of those so they wouldn't be lost.

4 things you wish in a romantic partner

2011-02-19T10:43:00.000-08:00

Yeah, Allen fits most of these rather well.

MUST be caring. Without this, there is no hope.
Must be at least respectful of religions, if not outwardly religious.
Making me laugh is a plus. I have to be able to be silly with them, cause if I can't be silly, I can't be myself.
I would like them to be stronger than me, cause I am rather weak, physically, and having someone there to help out is great. Note that this is not a requirement, cause that'd be a rather stupid one, but something that is just rather nice.

6 people who mean a lot to me.

2011-02-18T23:06:00.001-08:00

AND this one was difficult. I ended up doing a lot of "this GROUP" of people mean a lot to me.

The group of friends I call the science fiction cult. Even though we rarely get to watch science fiction together anymore. Bree, Beth, Jad, Alisha, Craig, Whitney, Liz. I could fill this entire list with just them. They are super supportive of me, they make sure I stay on the right path, and even though I can't see them as often as I'd like, I love them dearly.
The UCR creative writing peeps. Lisa, Jason, Brian, Estrella, Steve, Belen. Cause even though we didn't really start hanging out until like the last two quarters, they are super awesome and GREAT to encourage me with my writing woes.
Allen. Duh. I've written about how awesome he is, of course.
My sister. Cause we bicker like crazy, but I never realized how much I talk to her (especially online!) until she went away for basic and doesn't have constant internet. It was really painful the first three weeks.
My parents. Cause yes, we differ, but they're still great.
My classmates at USC. Cause I am as awkward as heck, and they still hang out with me, and we have tons of fun. AND we get productive writing type things done. Usually.

ten days of writing challenge.

2011-02-17T12:10:00.001-08:00

The ten days of writing challenge.

Day 4: write 6 things you wish you had never done.

Well, this is difficult. For everything I could think of, if I didn’t do it, my life would be massively different, and not generally in good ways. So remember that when I’m listing these.

Also, these are rather vague. Deal with it.

1. Have crushes so easily and so deeply my freshman year of college. It made me ignore my schoolwork, ignore my true friends, put far too much emotional energy into it, and nothing came from it except for broken friendships and the knowledge that I would never have worked out with any of the three guys anyways.

2. My living situation for one of the summers in undergraduate. Yes, I was saving money, and living with a friend, but it eventually (like a year and a half and many twists and turns later) led to dissolving of that friendship and a lot of troubles with almost everyone I know. Granted, if I hadn’t, then I’d still be friends with some negative people in my life…but that was a painful way to do it, and it caused more problems than just the dissolution of that friendship.

3. Trusted one of the three people I hate. Ever. That man was never worthy of anything resembling trust. Granted, without that, I would probably have a way too idealistic view of humanity which would not have been good when entering the world…but it was very negative and hurtful.

4. Trusting a one friend’s dealings with another. I took this friend at their word, and didn’t realize that they were systematically lying. It almost cost me my friendship with the other friends, who are too precious to lose like that.

5. Taking the road trip up north freshman year. I was taken advantage of (or, rather, my car was), I lost money out on it because people wouldn’t pay for gas, and it was motivated purely out of selfishness. I didn’t really have any good memories from it, mostly just memories of people mocking me and tearing me down, and it gave those people the message that I could just be mocked and treated that way.

6. Being so timid my first semester of grad school. Granted, my summer was a bit traumatizing, and I didn’t really trust myself to make friends at all, but my classmates are awesome and they completely blew my expectations out of the water.

10 day challenge again

2011-02-16T19:52:00.000-08:00

7 things that are always crossing my mind.

1. Hmm, I wonder what [character A] would do if [character B] did this. (you have no idea how much this crosses my mind. Especially when I’m trying to just pass time.)

2. Dear god children are annoying.

3. [insert random lyrics to random song here]

4. I wonder if I did _____ wrong.

5. KITTY!!

6. Oooh, Shiny! (I get easily distracted)

7. Damn homework…

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

2011-02-15T10:47:00.000-08:00

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

cook me food that won't kill me.
Be available for cuddles, and lots of them. I am an affectionate person.
Understand that I am weird, and accept it.
Go with me on long car drives. Cause I am weird and can't stand driving alone.
Make me laugh, and make me laugh when I least expect it. Surprise me with laughter.
Be compassionate, and don't think the worst about people.
Let me play the video games with you. None of that "its for men" crap.
Actually, never pull any of that "it's for men" crap. I'll enjoy what I want to enjoy, and don't dictate it for me.

day two: 9 things about myself

2011-02-14T12:43:00.000-08:00

nine things about myself? I think I can do that.

My self esteem is shit. And let me clarify: not my physical self esteem. I actually think I have a rather nice body most of the time. But my self esteem about my personality and self. I get paranoid, I constantly think I shouldn't be valued, and I have problems trusting that my own instincts are correct.
If you see me just sitting there, or sitting there and playing solitare or playing on my cell phone, I'm almost certainly thinking about my screenplays and stories. without fail. I do it while driving as well. I think about them a LOT.
I only hate three people. That number hasn't changed in about four years, verging on five. There are people I dislike, but not hate. it's a special quantification for me.
I have messed up dreams. Seriously people. They're like a psychologists wet dream.
I grew up in a very conservative area with very conservative parents who still believe that the government should run the country from the biblical laws, mostly.
I have a very musical background. I have competed with voice and the flute, and miss doing it actively.
I wasn't allowed to watch TV or movies until I got to college. Now I'm a film major. Yay!
I love apartment living. I can see myself living in apartments for a very long time, maybe in vancouver. I kinda hope to someday write for the Syfy channel and live up in Vancouver.
I have rather weak bones. I have broken three fingers, both wrists twice, my foot, and my upper arm. Yup.

It's been way too long...lets jump start it.

2011-02-13T13:33:00.000-08:00

This is me trying to remember how to blog again, cause I also get more stuff done when I blog.

So here it is: Ten different items to write about over ten days.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).

Day Seven: Four things you want in a romantic partner.

Day Eight: Three of your favorite possessions.

Day Nine: Two images that describe your life or yourself right now.

Day Ten: One confession

DAY ONE:

* here’s my heart. You have it. Be nice to it. You’re doing a pretty good job so far.

+ I remember, when I first met you about a year ago, I thought you were pretty ditzy and crazy. While I still think that, you’re also one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and I’m so glad I got to know you beyond that initial impression.

- You have a stick so far up your ass you can’t see that you’re ruining your business with your greed. Relax. The customers are not the enemies.

+ This sounds small, but one day last semester I was having a horrid day, and you took me aside and gave me a hug and told me three things I should be proud of. That basically made my month.

- Please take things slower. I don’t know if you’re going down the correct path or not, but I can guarantee you’re barreling down it way too fast to tell. Wait things out. You don’t have to have the rest of your life ironed down right this moment.

+ You’re like a little brother to me, which means I kinda want to slap you upside the head, but seriously, I do want you to succeed.

- I still don’t think you’re aware of how much you hurt me. Stop pretending to be the victim, it doesn’t give you free reign to be a jackass. Also, people can’t read minds. It’s bullshit to be mad at people for not changing if you never told them that you had a problem with them.

+ I wish I could be as confident in my writing as you are. Cause you’re impressive. Maybe it has to do with age, or experience, but you impress me with how sure of your writing you are.

- Thanks for making me doubt my every word to you. Now I feel, whenever I speak or act and you hear about it, you’re gonna make my life hell again.

+ It seems strange of how good of friends we are now. But I love it. You are seriously one of the most supportive and friendly people I know, and I’m blessed to call you a close friend. You are patient with me, you are caring, and we have some awesome weird memories together.

Getting better?

2010-10-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

I almost had a depressive episode last night. I slept in the same bed I slept in the night of the graduation party that started this all.

The key word was almost.

Instead I made myself think about dancing with Allen, how we were out of breath, how we were smiling, and how it felt so good, how our legs were so sore, and how we got to hug and move to the music.

Feeling better

2010-10-04T00:19:00.001-07:00

One long walk.

A half failed cooking experiment.

My boyfriend back.

Two kittens who have finally forgiven me for having Allen leave us for 2 days.

The SNL commercial parody marathon.

Chocolate.

My kitten sitting on my phone, then getting scared when I called it.

A lot of making out.

Getting the brita water to work again.

And finishing homework.

And I feel better than I did this morning.

Why I am down today

2010-10-03T11:43:00.001-07:00

Last night, I somehow fell asleep on my back. Which almost never happens, cause I'm not too comfortable on my back. The only way that happens is if I'm uncomfortably tossing and turning, and somehow turn over on my back for a few seconds to try something different, and that's where I fell asleep. This has happened maybe...4 times since starting college? And I always wake up and feel kind of odd afterwards.

And I always remember my dreams when sleeping on my back. And they're generally leave me in a strange mood.

So, in this one, there was a Renaissance faire at UCLA. So despite hating UCLA's policies on admissions and such, I went there and hung out with the yeoman. That was awesome.

While there, I saw a person who I used to consider a friend, but had an awful falling out with. And I greeted her, and we talked, and there was no. bitterness. And that was amazing. I didn't have any problems with her, and she didn't have any problems with me. We recognized in the dream how unusual it was, and how this was the first time we had talked since the falling out happened, but there wasn't any accusing or hating. There was just an acceptance that it happened, and normal conversation.

Later in the conversation, we met up with her boyfriend, who the falling out was just as bad with. He was surprised that I was talking to them, but went along. Later in that, he said "I'm so sorry for any of my part in the mess." and I said the same. And there was, again, no bitterness and no anger.

This has got me down because it could never happen. I don't think I could ever not be that bitter towards them. The dream was magical, I wasn't angry or bitter. I loved it. I wish I could be like that in actuality.

But I know I'll also never get that opportunity.

And that is why I feel down.

Angry sick rant

2010-09-29T15:58:00.001-07:00

Ever have those days where there are a lot of really not so fun little things going on? That's today and yesterday.

Crazy dream after Ren Faire

2010-09-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

So I went to the Northern California Renaissance Faire this weekend. It was a blast. It was amazing. I will write about it more later. But probably not on this, probably in some sort of script. I will send it to those who ask when I actually write it.

But yes, this blog post is about my dream last night.

So, in the dream I was being chased by some odd corporation through an indistinct area at USC. At least, I think it was USC. It was also at some sort of a mall, or random shopping center that had school stuff in it as well. I think. There were stores and then there were study areas. That were also religious expression areas.

But yes. I was being chased for some sort of genetic testing. and it was imperative that I MUST get away from them. I was being chased by a woman (who looked surprisingly like George at Ren Faire) and they needed me for something.

I would run outside, trying to make as many turn as possible, stay and try to catch my breath and have a conversation with someone about those who were chasing me. And then the chasers would be right there and I'd have to start running again.

So I ran into the second floor of the USC commons, and got a bit ahead of them. So I ducked into the room, which was filled with the Ethiopian episcopalian univeralists group. I swear, that was what it was. They were in the middle of their chanting exercise. And despite being the Ethiopian group, they were all blond haired and blue eyed. The main guy kinda looked like a young Rutger Hauer from blade runner. I asked them about that, and they told me to not be racist. But they let me hide there. I could hear my chasers asking about everyone. They told them they needed me because I'm talented, and they needed me to breed. That rather scared me.

And then, while I was sitting in the corner, hiding, my chasers just appeared right in front of me, their arms all crossed. They grabbed me and hoisted me up, putting me in handcuffs. The Young Rutger Hauer just shrugged and said they were more persuasive than me.

And then the dream got weird.

I got taken into a facility where it was all about exploiting the subconscious. They would hook up me and my fellow prisoners (one was Dustin Hoffman) and we would see what was going on in their subconscious on the big screen. Yes, my subconscious was dreaming about my subconscious. The weirdest one was someone was dreaming of someone, but could only see their hair, but their hair was covered with tiny holograms of their face in blue and pink. That and someone was dreaming of running around and chopping up people's arms.

I had an opportunity to go swim, where I met with a young man who I fell in love with, but by this point I was destined to be with the young Rutger Hauer. My captors kept on presenting me with all the reasons why I had to be with him on an excel spreadsheet.

Quotes of the day

2010-09-21T16:43:00.000-07:00

In class, we had to write "scenes of seduction".

as a result, there are some hysterical quotes of the day:

"He palms her ass with fervor."
"Ken doesn't turn to acknowledge the Man though he can feel the Man's eyes on him, creepy and lusting."
" Jesus, boy I hope you were using a rubber!"
"Of course there’s cat hair back there, this is a cat hotel!"
"When I smoke weed, the rhymes come right out of my soul and shit."
"Dude, I ain't making no motherfuckin gay-ass sex tape with you."

Well

2010-09-15T12:23:00.001-07:00

Well, I didn't get into the finalist round of the International Page awards. Yeah, I'm bummed.

At least I made it rather far. Top 25. That's pretty good.

I need another one of these

2010-09-02T15:36:00.000-07:00

I have been beaten up a bit, and having problems with self worth. so, here's another positive post.

My acting class is fantastic. It's fun to explore, it's fun to try things out, and it's fun with the people.
I am worth enough that an amazing guy loves me, picks me up from the train station, cooks for me, and rubs my back. I am worth enough that I was able to get into one of the most competitive schools in my field, never-less the world. I am worth enough that my sister gave me her old pirate coat. I am worth enough that I have the freedom to live my life away from my parents, with two adorable kittens, and an amazing apartment.
I am a woman who knows how to shoot guns, use knives, run, cook, dress in interesting (and sometimes weird) ways, pull off a short haircut, shop at a thrift store, write about spirituality, wear a cross necklace, wear hiking boots, plan out healthy menus, stay in a stable relationship, watch a movie and know why it works, walk up to seven miles without a break (possibly more, just haven't tried) and bring people to tears with my writing. And these are all reasons why I should love myself as a person. And no one can take this away from me, and I shouldn't LET anyone take this away from me just because they're insecure or manipulative.

First day of grad school

2010-08-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

So, Life got a hold of me and distracted me from doing these. BUT! As yesterday was fantastic and the first day of grad school, I simply have to do one of these.

My "big sibling" in the program, the equivalent of the peer mentors, said I was probably the most enthusiastic person about the program. And he said that shall serve me well. And that my writing experience will actually help me a ton in the program. And that I'll be able to write a lot, and have it pay off for me. (And that Judd Apatow's apparently a really normal person and will probably visit school sometime.)
The train system WORKS! The trolly/tram is rather annoying, but I liked the train. There was a girl on it taking the train into LA to get her picture taken for the DMV and interview for a job as a stripper. Interesting, yes?
So. My screenwriting class. Is epic. I mean, seriously epic. Completely and totally epic. in class we had to write three scenes. They all had to include only one character, going into a location, finding an item and having an emotional reaction, and then leaving. We couldn't use dialogue. We had to use the same character, location, and item for all three. The first scene had to be a comedy, the second had to be a love story, the third had to be a horror.

Thursday in two cities

2010-08-13T12:53:00.001-07:00

Allen and I talked about some of the issues that have been making things hard to deal with. In short, with everything going on, we have "short fuses." I have a short fuse with myself. I'm believing that everything I do is just going to be put on a list of why people don't like me, which makes me incredibly skittish and paranoid about all my actions. Allen has a short fuse in the traditional sense...he's been much more reactionary than usual. Why is this on the good list? Cause we talked about them, they're now on the radar, and we can help each other on the issues.
I got to cook with Candy (Allen's mom) some. We had a dish that we both did differently, so we combined the way we cook it. And it was fantastic. The only person who didn't like it was Allen, and that's cause he doesn't like Baked Beans. (The recipe was: Bush's Baked beans, a pound of bacon, ketchup, mustard, bbq sauce, and brown sugar!)
So, we had been wanting to get another kitten, but we really couldn't because of money. And we might -might - have found a way where we could, with absolutely no problems!

Wednesday

2010-08-12T10:43:00.001-07:00

As more and more dramatic things are happening, it's getting more and more difficult to do this blog. It's been harder for me to see positive things But it's good for me. Even if I start to feel like nothing positive is happening, it really, really is. Yesterday was AMAZING, except for the first three hours and the last two hours of it. But, that's not what this blog is about.

So, here's the positive

I had an AMAZING DAY with my friends! Me, Bree, Beth, Whitney, Alisha, and Liz did a photoshoot, and it's epic! It was amazing! I need to do more photoshoots, and I need to hang out with actual positive friends like them more often! It was amazing! I haven't laughed so hard in ages, and I haven't felt this comfortable in a group of people in about sixth months! It was fabulous.
I got to wear my red Ren Faire tunic to work. Yes, this is small, but it constantly cheered me up while I was at work. I should wear comfy weird clothes more often.
And this is gonna sound like I'm stretching it, but when I was moving out of bannockburn, I put a scented candle in my car and forgot about it. Now, whenever there's a warm day, the candle wax remelts (it's in a glass jar) and makes my entire car smell like lilac and vanilla. I rather like it a lot.

describing tuesday - difficult

2010-08-11T11:02:00.001-07:00

To put it mildly, Tuesday was not a good day. At all. Still, gonna try to be positive for this.

At work we had the creepy hobo that you can read about in my previous entry, but at least she was saying that I'd make money. At least she wasn't one of the gloom and doom clairvoyant hobos. She said I was going to make money. that's a positive, at least?
I got to talk to Jess for like an hour. And it was interesting conversation! About exes, school, religion, colleges, our past, ect. It was fun.
While I was at the beach with the friends, me, Sharon, Paul, and Sarah went on a nightime walk along the shore, where we saw a sand mermaid, a sand hole (where I got a hilarious picture of Sarah crouching in it) and a bunch of random sandcastles. We also had fun running along the wet sand and avoiding getting into the cold ocean.

Creepiest riverside experience!

2010-08-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

Me and my coworker walked across the parking lot at the UV to get 7-11, and we were walking back, and had just gotten to the stairs to our office. One of the insane UV hobos was dancing at the base of the stairs. me and my coworker got most of the way up the stairs, and she turned around and said "excuse me, miss?"

so we looked down, and she was leaning up the stairs, supporting herself with her arms and blocking the stairs, her eyes open WIDE. She had a giant scar on her head, and her lips were black.

She said "THE LORD HAS REVEALED TO ME THAT YOU WILL HAVE FINANCIAL GAIN! CAPITAL GAIN! CAPITAL MONEY! Money, financial, capital, capital gain! Is this true?"

Already kinda freaked out, I said "I think you must be mistaken."

So she replied "THE LORD HAS REVEALED IT TO ME AND you must say yes or no. yes or no. yes or no. You must answer"

Me and my coworker continued walking back up, kinda freaked out, and she yelled up after us "YOU MUST ANSWER THE LORD!"

So, monday, with the incredible randomness

2010-08-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

So, I went out to search for jobs. One of the things I was looking into was bartending school, so I went over to the one in Riverside. I was talking with the owner (generally impressed with the school) and he asked about previous job experience. I mentioned that I worked in the office, and he asked what type. I told him I did web content, and it was as if I made their day. So I got offered a job doing web marketing on commission.
I finished watching Zorro. Now I'm definitely formulating characters. For the first time since this summer turned sour (June 24th) I feel actually inspired to write.
I realized that it was only one week until I go to grad school orientation, and two weeks until I start classes, and my last day of work is next week. Things are happening fast!

Wine!

2010-08-09T18:45:00.000-07:00

So Allen and I went to see our friend Alexa in a play in a winery. Actually, we knew most of the cast, so it was kind of awesome. And the wine was fantastic. And a cat interrupted the play by running across the stage. I kinda loved it.
So I found that I might be able to take the train to USC every day. That's pretty darned fantastic. AND my parents said that they'll donate 100$ a month towards paying for the train. That's even more fantastic.
I started watching Zorro. I had never seen it before, and now my mind is whirling. For perhaps the first time this summer, I feel inspired to write. I'm already creating characters.

Saturday - the busy day!

2010-08-08T17:38:00.000-07:00

So...on the way to Lisa's house, we were supposed to be getting on the 210W. And somehow we ended up on the 15N. And in Hisperia. Where we saw a shirt that said "Yahweh's floors and carpets" and a store called "Zippy lube-a-truck" and a strip club named "THE FUN ZONE!". We have come to the conclusion that there is indeed a sadder place than Riverside.
Lisa made amazing Sangria. But the best part of the workshop was the reception to my piece. I had submitted the first 30 pages (the first 2 acts) of my zombie show, and they loved it. Jeppeson said "I now know why you got into USC." and Estrella said "I was gasping."
We went over to Aaron's place for Rock Band after his show, and it was fantastic. Got to see Douchey singing in falsetto. Got to rock "savior" by Rise against. It was fantastic.

Missing two days here

2010-08-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

So lets do the good that happened on Thursday and Friday.

Thursday

Got to see an ADORABLE children's show. My coworker, Cameron, was in a musical version of Robin hood, and he was the Sheriff of Nottingham. The play was adorable. I cannot say that enough. There were little children, 5 villains, Robin Hood also acted like the Scarlet Pimpernel, it had all the makings of an AWFUL show, but it was just too adorable.
Got to make Orange chicken, which was tasty. Haven't made it since I lived in Falkirk.
Got to play a little bit of WoW with Allen, which was fun. This sounds so simple, but we were doing something called "Pick Up Groups" and it was a blast!

Friday

I slept in until 1:30 pm. Yup.
We went on a walk all around UCR. It was hot, it was sweaty, but it was utterly fantastic. On the walk we stopped by to see Professors (missed them all) and stopped and got water and such. It was fun.
Went to Chris's birthday party. On the drive there, there was a construction truck with a giant Elmo stuffed animal IMPALED on one of the posts. It's mouth was continuously gaping open (cause it was impaled near the neck and face) and the feet were flopping in the wind. It was quite a bit hysterical. Once at the party, there a few future creative writing majors there, as well as just tons of weird people.

the three things project

2010-08-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

I've been astoundingly negative about my life right now.

And yes, negative things have been happening in my life. This is true. Actually, this is probably the biggest bout of negative things happening in my life for a bit of a while. So yeah. I've been down. I've been rather depressed. It's been really hard for me to focus on anything positive, even when I know the positive things are out there and I enjoy them. It's been hard for me to trust people, even people I've known for a long time, and to believe them when they say something. I've been paranoid.

And I don't like that too much.

So here's what I'm doing. Every day I'm gonna post a blog with three positive things that happened the day before. If I forget a day, then I'll do 6 on the next day I remember. I need something to get my butt to remember that there is good for me to focus on.

So, three things about yesterday:

1. Got to see my sister's new costuming stuff. She made the white princess Leia dress, and it looks awesome.

2. Got to see Allen while I was at work. Yeah, I love that. It's a nice little break between all the monotony that work can be. We took a quick walk around, got to stretch my legs a bit. I love that.

3. Prop 8 got declared unconstitutional. Yeah, I know a lot of people don't consider this a good thing, but it was amazing to hear the joy from my friends in the lgbt community.

conflicted post

2010-07-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

I have learned that posting about the drama in my life is a really bad idea. Everyone likes reading about drama, it's interesting, but it has the distinct possibility to hurt people.

I just wish it wasn't so, cause I'm like bursting at the seams to talk about this one particular instance of really awful, really hurtful drama.

But if I do, I only come across as bitter and giving validation to this person's point of view. Ah, frustrations.

Random quiz thingie!

2010-06-24T14:37:00.000-07:00

Promise to take this without deleting any questions?
I won't delete any, I might decline to state.

You're single, why?
I'm not single.

What does your last text say?
"I only have a bed and a minifridge"

If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
Yeah. A few things. Not anything major, but a few things. Like decisions I made or things that I did.

Do you know someone who has been in jail?
Yup. Don't you?

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with the letter A?
My boyfriend's name is Allen. Yeah.

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
I've stolen some of Allen's shirts. They're soft.

Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
There hasn't really been anything bad on here. so if they manage to judge me off of this, then good job.

Are you easily amused?
SHINY!!!!

Do you speak more than 6 languages?
I can roughly speak 2, with a smattering of two more.

Do you watch MTV anymore?
Heck no. I don't even own a tv.

Is your hair naturally straight?
VERY INCREDIBLY.

What was the last thing you bought?
Fatburger from Fatburger. If you don't count food, then...Gas?

Did you have a good day yesterday?
Mixed fairly evenly. Boring day at work (-) fun playing WoW with Jess (+) Dinner with my dad at the Olde Ship (++) talk about a depressing circumstance in the ride back (-) being way too grumpy and sleep deprived (-)

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name starts with a J?
Don't think so.

Do you like dark or light jeans better?
Dark. Light ones look silly on me.

Whose hoodie did you last wear?
Uhh...mine?

Has anyone ever hurt you?
Dumb question. Yes.

Do you like hugs?
Absolutely. It's one of the problems I have when I go to Whittier. No one hugs me there.

What is the last reason you cried?
Utter exhaustion. I had only 3 hours of sleep, drove 100 miles, had an intense argument, and was then just melted into tears.

Could you even go 30 minutes without cursing?
I don't swear too much at all, actually. So yeah, I can.

Ever been called babe?
Yeah, I don't like it at all. I have a name, use it. Shorten the name, sure, but use it.

Do you have a best friend?
Yup!

You kissed someone last night, didn't you?
Absolutely! Several times, in fact.

Where is the person you last kissed at this moment?
He's in our apartment, playing WoW and playing with the kitten.

Are you one of those people who constantly check the time?
I always have to know what time it is. At my house in whittier, there is a clock within eyesight no matter where you stand or what direction you're facing.

When you're angry, do you take it out on everyone else?
I generally don't.

Do you love or hate straightening your hair?
I have no need to.

What happened at 10:00 am?
I was about to leave my apartment for work. I think I was carrying around the cat on my shoulder/neck.

Have you made someone happy today?
:) I believe I have.

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn't?
Yes, definitely. I am not a person prone to confrontations.

Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither?
Hmm, if I had to choose, I'd say goodie goodie, but possibly neither.

What's the last movie you saw in theaters and with whom?
I think it was the new Robin Hood with Allen and two friends.

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you?
Oh absolutely. It happens. It's happened particularly recently, but that doesn't mean it always happens.

Your parents are out of town for the weekend. Do you throw a blowout party?
I don't even live in the same town as my parents.

What's one thing that really pisses you off?
Dishonesty. Going behind people's backs.

Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party?
Probably a concert, but it depends who's throwing the concert.

Have you made a joke about somebody that made them cry?
Unfortunately yeah. I felt bad pretty quickly, though.

Do you have more friends of the same sex or the opposite sex?
I'd say opposite sex, though that's slowly changing.

Do you secretly like drama?
no. I not so secretely revel in it's dramatic dramaticness. (/sarcasm at the stupid question)

Are you a jealous person?
Not really? I don't so much get jealous as I get frustrated.

Where were you 1 hour ago?
I was out on a small lunch date. It was fantastic.

Are you wearing socks right now? What do they look like?
Yeah, but they're hidden in my shoes.

What was the last thing you had to drink?
Gatorade! Yay electrolytes.

Last food you ate?
fatburger.

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Not within the last week. I did buy a skirt a week and a half ago.

What's the last sporting event you watched?
The historical tennis match that happened this year at Wimbleton. Look it up.

What is the last thing you purchased online?
Does paying my gas count? No? then I guess...my firefly shirt.

Do you miss anyone?
Right at this moment? Nope. You think I would be, but nope.

Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/girlfriend every week?
Nah, I actually am in a fairly serious relationship.

Would you ever consider piercing your lip?
I've considered it, but only in the way of "what would I look like if..." but then I discounted it.

Do you hate being the first person to start a conversation?
I kinda sorta do. Not hate hate, but I definitely like it if someone else starts it.

Has a boy ever thrown stones or pebbles at your window before?
Nope.

Are your eyes the same color as your Mom's or Dad's?
As my dad's. my mom has pretty blue eyes.

Will you ever run away and get married at Las Vegas with no notifications?
Tempting, but no. I would want the people I love to be at my wedding.

Do you think that crying is a form of weakness?
Haha half and half. I always feel weak when I cry, but I always feel much stronger afterwards.

New phone or new computer?
I just got a new computer, so a new phone would be nice.

What did you do last night?
Have dinner with my dad at a kick ass restaurant.

Do you trust people easily?
Not really.

Is there anything written on your arms?
Nope, haven't done that since high school.

Do you wear make-up everyday?
I wear make up about half the time.

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone?
Oh yes.

How would you look with blonde hair?
My natural color is blond.

How has the past week been for you?
Actually fairly awful. Someone very dear to me is in the hospital.

What's on your mind right now?
Almost done with work!

What is your current mood?
Tired in the "why can't this drama end" sort of way.

Name something you have to do tomorrow?
I don't have to do ANYTHING except go out to lunch with friends.

Will this weekend be a good one?
Absolutely! I'm meeting with USC people, I'm seeing a friend perform stand up in Hollywood, and yeah!

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?
I graduated!

Ever kissed someone who was high?
Absolutely not.

Ever purposely broken your iPod/phone just for a new one?
Ew no.

Ever kissed a green eyed person?
Allen occasionally has green eyes.

Did the last person you kiss have piercings?
No

Do you dislike the last person you kissed?
no

Can you get over people easily?
nah.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other?
Absolutely

Are you on a desktop or laptop?
I strongly dislike desktops

Summer

2010-06-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

It's summer now, which means I have my goals and my ideas.

Goals:

Correct my posture. I often slouch, especially at work, so by the end of the day my back always aches. So yeah, whenever I think about it, to sit up straight and not slouch. This will take a while.
Avoid facebook at work. The obvious exception to this is signing on so I can get onto fb chat, so I can get stuff from my boss and coworkers when they use it to contact me.
Only walk to work, unless I'm really late or sick. Other than that, I will walk. I am always happier when I walk. I'll keep in better shape. Yeah. Generally more happy.
Write a full mini episode at least once a week. More on that in ideas.
See if I can film once a month. More on that in ideas.
Investigate into turning my little netbook into a hackentosh. Cause I hate PCs that much. :P

Ideas:

So, yesterday at pitchfest, one woman told me how hard it would be to market the zombie script, and she gave me an amazing suggestion. Make small, 5 minute webisodes. Show the world what is unique about my idea. And that sounds like SO MUCH FUN! So yes. I will be writing one of these a week and shooting once a month.
Do lots of step outlines, so I have those going into the program at USC. :D
Do a step outline for the female Bond, the red neck spy comedy, and the Utopia idea. And possibly the family drama, if I get the guts to do it.

Witch Doctor.

2010-05-25T11:07:00.000-07:00

Yup. I'm at work. It's the only time I really blog. Too busy the other parts of the day. Which is rather sad.

This weekend I discovered an Album on my ipod entitled "Family Fun from the 1950's and beyond." and it's epic. It has the song "Witch Doctor" on it. As in the whole "Oooh Eee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang" chorus.

And it is now stuck in your head. At least I have succeeded in that.

This side of inconvenience.

2010-05-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

Day 17 with no internet at home. All my updates and email checking happen at work or at a coffee shop. It is on this side of inconvenience.

I have life updates.

I now have an adorable kitten. His name is Jamie. He's white with black splotches, and overall very cute. But he's talkative. SO VERY TALKATIVE. As in we think he has abandonment issues. Each time he loses eye contact with us, he starts meowing. It's...distracting. But he's still adorable. And rather friendly. There has not been a person to come over that he HASN'T liked. He's fallen asleep on Evan's lap, he's wrestled with Whiskers, and yeah.

Strangely enough, the only person he ever gives problems to is Allen. They have a weird male dominance thing going on. Not that they don't get along, Jamie will as soon cuddle with Allen as he will with me, but Jamie gives only Allen attitude. It's a little bit funny and a little bit silly.

I'm graduating in almost three weeks. Guess what? I'm frightened. Mostly I'm frightened about money, big surprise there. I'm also frightened about finishing my script by then. Yeah, I have about 45 more pages to go on it. Slightly frightening. I will be getting ten pages done tonight, though. Yeah, it's slightly sad that I'm more worried about finishing this script than I am sending out graduation announcements.

My mother seems to have this wonderful talent of making me insecure. When I was having a low self esteem day, her first comment to me was how my hair is awful. I take her to the Ren faire, she says I'm giving the wrong impression to people by having cleavage. (I mean, it's the Ren faire! Cleavage is everywhere! More than just cleavage, BOOBS are everywhere! And my cleavage is relatively minor, comparatively speaking. Actually, it's very minor. And yet I'm the one giving the wrong impression? And why is she to nag me about it? I'm 22. It's okay for me to show some cleavage, especially while wearing a costume specifically designed to show cleavage.) I'm seriously debating telling her off. Cause her nagging and controlling ways are getting frustrating. She is also of the opinion that I shouldn't post any pictures of myself from the Ren faire, cause it is sending people on facebook the message that I'm looking for men. I don't think she understands it.

She also "expressed concern" that my relationship with Allen will fail now that we're moved in together. Nice, mother. Nice.

I have finally bought the movie "Office Space". I have worked in an office for two years straight now, and I have not yet seen that movie. I understand that this is something of a blasphemy. it will be remedied if I write ten pages today, five pages tomorrow, and ten pages on Wedneday.

It is unlikely that I'll write five pages tomorrow. Tomorrow I have: Work 9-2, class 2-5, wine tasting 5:30-6:30, honors Convocation 6:30-9, and Allen's parents will be out for the convocation. So yeah. I might see if I can take work off and just write in the morning, then make up work on Friday. But I'd have to be careful, cause my parents are coming on friday, and then we're going camping.

By the way, I have no voice at this moment. Well, I have a voice, but it's all crackly and dry sounding. I was told I sound like Bea Arthur by two people today.

Just talked to my boss, I'll be working only two hours on tuesday, then come in for two or three hours on Friday. So thank god, I'll have about three hours to write on tuesday. Uninterrupted.

That leads into the weekend. I'll be camping. Which means I'll have to write by hand. Should be interesting. I'll have to crank out a ton of pages, too. So that just means lots and lots of handwriting.

Also, camping this weekend is gonna be interesting. Allen will be there. Allen has a slightly quicker temper than I do. And Allen gets angrier at my mother more than I do. This shall be interesting. Allen and I will have to go on several long hikes, just to rant. Which'll be nice, get us away from the family for a bit.

Working upstairs from a starbucks has made me a bit of a coffee snob.

I just found the BEST descriptor line EVER! ""Ms. Palmos, an adorable piranha of an agent, said she was driven to take even the most unfortunately placed properties partly out of financial desperation." I mean, holy crap! Adorable piranha of an agent! In an article about Real Estate! That's fantastic! (Full article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/18/nyregion/18appraisal.html?src=twt&twt=nytimes )

That amazing description just kinda made my day. That and Allen just brought me a sandwitch. And told me all about how hyper the kitten is. Aww, now I want to just go home and play.

Side note: I always get nervous when my bosses conviene in the front of the office and whisper.

Hour left of work. I am very happy about this. Now only an hour before my marathon writing day (and playing with the kitten).

Have I been talking about my kitten too much? Cause he's absolutely amazing. (kitten).

Tough times

2010-05-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

Times are hard right now. I don't really want to elaborate.

So, instead of elaborating, I'm going to list all the things that help me not focus on it. Like the good things in life. The things that make me happy.

***
KITTENS! This weekend I might be getting a kitten. Or two. But the very idea of kittens makes me so incredibly happy. It's like a natural mood lifter. I get depressed, and I start looking at the cost of things and the kittens available...and I get so incredibly happy. It's silly and child-like, but with everything going on, it's so incredibly soothing to have a cat to pet. Or to see cats walk around and play. It's soothing for me.

In whittier, whenever I was upset, my cat (Chewie) always knew, and would always start cuddling with me as soon as she could. It helps.

****
Video games. Particularly mindless ones.

***
Chips and guacamole at work. Speaking of work, kookie and strange stories from my coworkers. As I am typing this, Andy is telling a story about how he moved to California and started playing Starcraft. He used the phrase "so I started training" and "then I triumphed."

***
One of my coworkers just said this "The animation was so raw, that's why it was great. Great and impactful." We were talking about Invader Zim.

***
We just walked to 7-11, and "it's been a hards day night" came on. I started singing, and coworker said "Hey, isn't this like the song from Rock Band"

***
Now we're arguing about Komodo dragons. Apparently they're very poisonous. Who knew?

Real time log of work

2010-04-29T13:09:00.000-07:00

1:09 pm: Art coworker just asked what something meant on a wedding invitation.

1:16 pm: Bob just walked by, saw my cost of attendance for usc, and said "well, I thought you wanted to attend the school, not buy the property.

1:19 pm: There is a gaggle of really loud, kinda ghetto girls on the balcony outside my office. I kinda think that they are drunk. Or maybe just really really loud. It's echoing, like, seriously echoing through the cubicles. I feel like that should be a lot more poetic than it actually is. I also just came to the conclusion that I will have to work 3.5 hours today, then 5 hours tomorrow to make up for lost time. Note: Thursday and Fridays are my day off. This rocks.

1:41 pm: I have made the mistake of looking up kittens on craigslist. 0_o

1:47 pm: Okay, I need to stop looking up kittens. I don't need them right now. At all. Well, not until we move into the apartment. We're getting the keys today or tomorrow, but we can't move in for a little while, at least two weeks or so, so yeah. So I just have two weeks to wait to get a kitten. I can do that, right? (answer: probably not)

2:08 pm: My caterpillar is either dead or cocooning. Not sure which.

2:21 pm: Back looking at kittens. today is not a productive day at work.

2:42: The caterpillar is freaking out, like, majorly freaking out. And now covered in goo. It's either exploding or cocooning. Not sure which. Bree says it's pupating?

3:44 pm: I've actually had about an hours worth of work to do today. Yay.

4:01 pm: Ride's coming.

There be lots of things going on.

2010-04-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

I'm graduating college this summer. Yes, I will be graduating from the University of California, Riverside with my Bachelors of Arts in Creative Writing with a dual emphasis in fiction and screenwriting. It took me 4 years, but I'm getting it done. I've learned so incredibly much in four years, most of it outside of the classroom. It's been rough at times, but I've learned so much. As I prepare to leave UCR, I've been evaluating who I want to keep in contact with as I start my career, and there's a surprisingly large number of people. And not necissarily the people who I thought would be on that list.
I'm going to grad school. USC. University of Southern California. Probably the best (or second best) school for Writing for Screen and TV. I am as intimidated as heck and as nervous as heck. 1000 people apply, they let in 32. wow. Holy crap. I was in the top 3.2% of applicants. That scares the shit out of me. What is my competition in the classes going to be? Also, I really don't like the price card. Who knows how much debt I'll be in at the end of this.
In a weird mixture of the two items above, I will be living in Riverside while going to grad school at USC. There are several VERY key reasons for this: a) With the cost of housing, I will be saving at minimum 500-700 dollars a month by living out here and taking the train. b) it is a high priority to me that I stay near Allen. Which leads me to the next bit of news, which will probably disappoint some people: I am moving in with Allen. BUT it's not just what you're thinking. We will be getting a 2 bedroom apartment, and have seperate rooms. And probably have two seperate locks on the doors, but that might be overkill.
In response to that, my parents are not happy. That probably goes without saying. They think that I will be living in sin and that no one would respect me or them anymore. I have my problems with this statement and assumption.
I'm planning two vacations. I'm doing one in July with Allen's family. A cruise to Alaska. Then, there's a small glimmer of a possibility of a roadtrip. To Maryland. Yes, a cross country roadtrip. With stops in Vegas, Colorado, Tulsa, and Chicago. And possibly Vidalia and Philidelphia as well. Holy crap. That would be so amazingly epic.
Friends are going through problems. I'm not going to fully divulge this, just that it is taking up a lot of emotional energy, and I am left with exhaustion at the end of each and every day. And it's not just one friend, it's many friends. Sometimes I find myself just having to cry to just deal with things. I don't like crying, and I feel silly, but sometimes things are just too much.
I signed up for a graduate level screenwriting course this quarter. And while it is awesome, it means I will be writing an average of 15 pages a week, in order to finish around 120 page screenplay by the end. And that, my friends, is a lot of work.

THIS MADE MY DAY

2010-03-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it made my night. Well, it made it easier to sleep. After, you know, 2 am.

Allen: poke

me: poke

Allen: How be you?

1:28 AM me: insomniatic

and sleeeepy

Allen: I hugz you

I had my Arrogant Bastard, so I'm sleepy from alcohol

not drunk, but sleepy

me: heh

1:29 AM I went to bed at 11, got up again at 1

Allen: :p

me: 1:31 AM

oh! While at dinner with Patty, there was an episode of family guy playing, and it was from the first season, so all the voices were off

Allen: lol

me: it made me want to twitch

1:32 AM Allen: the digital work really makes the show

me: yeah, so do the voices. Meg was awful that season

1:34 AM Allen: thinking of you...

me: :)

miss ya

1:35 AM I'm getting really sleepy again

I'm gonna try to sleep

1:37 AM I love you

Allen: I love you too

1:38 AM me: talk to you tomorrow, and see you in two days!

Spring break

2010-03-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

I am not good left alone. I feel so much better when I'm around people.

And not just, you know, at my computer at work. I have coworkers around, but not really. Everyone's doing work, no one's talking.

Tonight, I'm basically gonna be sitting home alone. Not looking forward to it.

****

Grad decisions are tough.

Bored at Auditions

2010-03-15T16:34:00.001-07:00

So, it's empty here. So here are my thoughts.

***

Cramps suck

***

Stage fright sucks.

***

Pizza is delicious.

****

Just dealt with a bitchy auditioner. She asked me if I was just singing a harmony instead of the real, actual song. Wow.

****

Sometimes I really dislike myself

2010-03-14T14:45:00.000-07:00

So, I have a nasty habit of worst case scenarioing.

Something goes wrong. And while it's probably nothing, almost certainly nothing, I find myself in a near panic trying to figure it out. I find myself looking stuff up online, trying to figure it out, and I only give myself a worse headache and feeling all weepy and crying about it.

And then I start planning for all contingencies. What if the worst case scenario is true?

I hate this part about me.

****

It doesn't help that I'm major PMSing. MAJORLY.

****

Allen didn't get into USC. If that wasn't enough bad news, some people have been begrudging me because I did. Even going so far as to say I took his spot, and he should be mad at me for it. Gee thanks, people.

*****

So next week and other things

2010-02-23T12:53:00.000-08:00

So next week, my social circle will be busy.

I use that phrase lightly. My social circle will mostly be okay, just the people that I'm assured to hang out with EVERY SINGLE DAY are gonna be busy. I have a ton of people in my social circle besides them, but they are the ones I see every day and do relaxing stuff with. The people that after I do my plans for the day, I go home and hang out with them.

So I'm just gonna have to do alternate planning. I'm actually looking forward to it a bit. A change from the routine, sorta.

At least two of the days I'm going out writing. Probably to coffee depot or to Ten Rens. Do some writing on my FUN STUFF. Maybe re-proof the step outline for the fantasy story. Maybe I'll get the first act of my second episode done. That sounds like a ton of fun :) .

I want to go to the karaoke bar one of the days.

I'm gonna cook an amazingly complicated meal for myself one of the days.

****

I just got a text "haha....long story...yeah..." from a blocked, anonymous number. They're blocked, so I can't text back.

****

I am in the process of making a big decision. I'm probably making it bigger than it should be. The biggest problem about it, though, is some people are remarkably closed minded about it, or too embarrassed to talk about it. Mostly too closed minded. I shouldn't really accuse people of being too embarrassed about it, cause I pretty much fall into that category. Notice how I didn't say what this decision is.

****

I got a daily booth cause of some friends, but it's actually turning out to be a ton of fun. Though the internet is a scary scary place.

The premise of dailybooth is this: You post a picture every day, generally of yourself. Simple as that. But I've recently found a whole bunch of artistic photographs and photographers, and it is awesome.

However, today I am wearing a corset. And I posted a picture of myself. And all of the sudden I have a few more followers and a bunch of people saying "I like the ren faire now." >_<

****

Here's a BIG SHOUT OUT to BETH!!!!! She's AWESOME!!!!

weird

2010-02-22T11:14:00.000-08:00

My mother is telling me how she's seeing the trip back to see my uncle as a trip back to say goodbye. And...there goes my good mood that was left over from the weekend. Turns out that my other uncle is trying to trounce on her positivity, while she's just trying to make it through the trip. He's trying to get her to be ultra realistic...which is pretty darn negative
Apparently my coworker Cameron know Alex douchebag. Talk about weird connections. And coincidences.
I had a good weekend. Like, a GOOD WEEKEND with all capital letters. I got my first credit card, I got my taxes done, I got a good homemade dinner, I got to watch a disk of HIMYM, I got to go to a comedy show, I got to hang out with Evan and Sam, I got to make a drink for my mom and I, I got to show my parents Mass Effect and Dragon Age, I made a delicious dinner for Allen last night (Steak a l'orange and Caesar Salad), I got to play L4d2 with Patty, I submitted my TV pilot to the Page Awards, I had a weird but tasty sandwich at bible study, bible study was great, the gym was good and I felt awesome, rehearsal was a good self esteem type booster, I got to see Sarah for like five minutes, and I got to show my parents my new knife.
I have rehearsal tonight, and I hope I still have all my lines memorized! I hope my fellow actors do as well.
I had a dream last night that I was trying to get to sleep and having troubles. It was not a restful dream. It was the antithesis of a restful dream. I woke up with a headache and all bleary eyed and not fun. Which is why I got a starbucks energy drink. So I'm twitchy and a little bit grumpy.
When talking about picture expansion: Andy: "Woah! It's so little and squished, then it gets so big!" Me: "That's what she said."
I forgot my lunch at home. *pout*
I'm once again at work and I don't have anything to do. I'm trying to find work to keep me busy.
So I walk over to withdraw money from the bank, and the atms were missing. Literally missing. Oh gee.
I don't think anyone reads this anymore. At the very least, no one tells me they read it. But it's still cathargic to write. I'm funny that way.
Rewriting websites. Kind of fun. Makes me think I'd be good at being a staff writer on a tv show.
it's almost time for me to leave.

Senioritis, much?

2010-02-17T09:55:00.000-08:00

I can't wait to get out of school. Well, not exactly. I can't wait to get out of this school.
Next quarter should be better. I hope. I'm in a graduate class, after all. And I enjoy the people in my advanced classes so much more than my other ones.
I have a comedy song about suicide bombers stuck in my head. I'm at work. This seems like a very poor idea.
I have come to the conclusion that reading SparkNotes is okay if you've actually read the book and didn't quite understand it.
I am rather proud of my midterm. I am considering posting it on here, which could be fun. But long after it's graded. I'm paranoid like that.
We just walked downstairs for starbucks. Yup. We do that.
Quote of the day: Cameron - "The director I think looks like his work is M. Night Shamalan." Andy - "You mean he looks like crap?"
Yay! Allen's finger isn't dead. Though he did need to get a tetanus shot.
I just posted a facebook status about how my coworker made a joke about how being a bible nerd is a lot like being a DnD nerd, the scale is all about how much you know. And the joke is funny. But then my boss responded by saying: "they are both remarkable works of fiction refined by a number of authors over a period of years." Which is clever, yes, but a wee bit frustrating.
Overall, I'm a bit disappointed with the stories this week. Nothing horrible, just nothing amazing.

late night in riverside.

2010-02-11T11:05:00.000-08:00

I had to deal with two separate groups of idiots, jerks, and misogynistic bullies on the walk home.

I was walking back from my late night class, talking on the phone to Allen, and some guy tried to shove me by my purse. I think they bruised me. I pushed away and got away. I'm just glad I hold my purse closed and all that.

and then, still talking on the phone to Allen, kinda scared, I crossed the street and this group of guys was just standing near my complex. One of the guys said "hey you. You're fucking hot. I would fucking do you."

Still shaking from the earlier thing, I told them to fuck off. Then they yelled after me "don't be such a bitch! I was just trying to compliment you. did you drop your diet pills somewhere?"

I turned around and told them that in no uncertain terms do they say a thing like that to a girl walking alone at night that they didn't know. That group ended up apologizing, and I walked away.

I can't stop smiling from this!

2010-02-10T11:54:00.000-08:00

11:53amBrittany
I wanted to say thanks lyn; you were an awesome peer mentor. And you kinda inspired me to apply and hopefully be one for the next year :):) So thank you!! Thank you for being so awesome!

11:54amLyn
awww! thank you!!!!

11:54amBrittany
I just wanted to say this before I get super busy and won't see you next quarter...but I have to get back to studying! Hope your day is nice and productive :):)

11:54amLyn
see ya later!!

Quotes from the peanut gallery of work.

2010-02-03T12:25:00.000-08:00

Andy: "naming documents is the hardest part."
Cameron: "Giving up is the hardest part."
Andy: "maybe. But naming things is hard, too."

***

Andy: "hey! Do you want to be that one dude that has six toasters?"
Cameron "Why yes. I eat a lot of toast."

****

Andy: "I don't complain about things."
me: "You guys were complaining about ONE ROW of pixels being shaved off!"
Andy: "hey! That's important! People would've complained!"
Cameron: "I would've complained!"
Andy: "I'm still complaining!

****

Cameron: "You said Bob is here, right?"
Me: "Yeah..."
Cameron: "Oh right. I saw him."

*****

a boss: "Oh dear. At least it's almost the weekend.
Andy: "Agreed."
me: "It's only Wednesday."
a boss: "Just be quiet and let me be happy."

****

Cameron: "Yay, we have a logo!
me: "it looks like he's doing a weird form of Tai Chi."
Cameron: "Well, he should be on every page."
me: "are you sure? Double check."
Cameron: "My confidence is enough....hey look! He'seven on the 404!"
me: "Did you mean to 404 it?"
Cameron: "Nope!"

****

Cameron: "Ohhhh....Tricky."
me: "What, did the pixel get shaved off again?"
Cameron: "No....but...*sigh* there's this line. That's part of a background image
and the line is covering the words."
me: "Make it part on the front image and take it out."
Cameron: "But it's part of the div!"

***
Cameron: "Yay!" (claps his hands)
me: "What?"
Cameron: "It worked! You know, web programming is really cool. You should do it.
Forget whatever else you're doing, Lyn, and go into programming. I mean,
I know you already invested time in writing and whatever, but come on,
there's really more to life than that."

Update

2010-01-28T12:38:00.001-08:00

Uncle Dwayne's cancer may have spread to his spine. I am terrified.

Wise advice from Grandma

2010-01-24T16:40:00.000-08:00

Me: Hello Grandma!
how are you doing
?

Grandma:Hi Lyn, I'm fine!
Its good to hear from you. How are you doing?

Me: VERY busy

Grandma: Oh - what's keeping you so busy?

Me; school, work, stuff like that
I have tons of homework and tons of extra curriculars

Grandma: I know that can get pretty tough at times. I was reading an article in the newspaper the other day and it says to put away your laptop and go to bed. You need lots of sleep/rest to handle all that. What are the extra curriculars?
It was written by a student who found himself in the same situation.

Me:I work with a literary journal and a theater company

Grandma: Wow - three jobs in all - school, journal and theater company. Don't burn out. We want to keep you around and healthy. We love you.

Me:haha, well, not all of them take up tons of time all the time
they more of take up time in bursts

Grandma: I know how that goes. Why cn't the be predictable?

Me: I know!
Each of them separately aren't too bad, but all combined they're a lot of time

Grandma: Well, it's great talking to you. One of these days I'll start on the quilt you gave me for Christmas. Gotta get through organizing my taxes though and Virginias. I guess you are getting lots of experience doing all that. Just know when you need to say ,"No!"
I have to send out our prayer requests to those on the email list. I hate to quit talking because we do this so seldom.
Write about your experience with these organizations sometime and send it to me.

Me: I'll have to do that sometime

Grandma: Talk to you later. bye

New things

2010-01-23T11:44:00.000-08:00

Well, my uncle's cancer is back. In five places in his brain and some lumps on the skin of his head. The prognosis is not good.

Story ideas for this quarter

2010-01-21T10:03:00.000-08:00

1. A woman works at the DMV taking the pictures for the drivers. She falls in love with those she photographs. She sees someone who is the epitome of everything she wants to be, searches for her and tries to adopt every aspect of their actions and livestyles. She ultimately faces rejection and the impossibility of it. Should the person she follows be Schizophrenic? Driver? Younger? Rebellious?

2. Romanian young woman, faces the pressure to be safe, be totally safe. Works at a store that caters towards rich tourists. Does she let herself deliberately be unsafe?

3. Office Noir Comedy. Intricacies of Office Drama, over done. Bringing validity into the boring. Office Intrigue? How are people coping with grief? The five stages of grief.

I am vastly amused.

2010-01-20T11:55:00.000-08:00

So, you know how I'm always bagging on people for not being accurate with guns in workshops?

One of my workshop buddies is now asking me for help. It is vastly fun.

****

I have tons of ideas on what to do for my advanced fiction story. But they all seem WAY too literary, or WAY too personal, or, you know, way too not literary. My screenwriting teaching has taught me to be commercial. Which is good, but yeah. It's a bit looked down upon in the fiction world.

****

I really want to write something about Romania.

****

Of course, the one time I venture outside without my jacket and umbrella, it starts to rain.

****
I just wrote the line into a critique:

besides the pretty words, there’s not much to distinguish this story from any Soap Opera. Actually, the story and characters are generic to the extreme, and ultimately forgettable.

And that is the last line of the critique.

*****

I had a weird freaking dream last night.

2010-01-17T12:00:00.001-08:00

Well, it was really this morning, cause I didn't go to bed until 2 and had troubles falling asleep because of insecurities....so yeah.

In this dream, my roommate, had a bunch of douchbag friends. And they kept on coming up to my loft, every moment of every day, no matter what I did.

So onetime, to get away from them, I went to an outdoors pet market. Where I almost won a pink kitten.

But then, I had to eventually go back to my apartment, and my loft. And found my roommate's friends strip searching my room, trying to find anything sketchy.

New Years Resolutions

2010-01-03T18:56:00.000-08:00

A bit late, but...whatever.

Have a better self esteem. Let me clarify. I have a decent self esteem when it comes to myself physically. I just have trouble seeing myself as a person other people want to be friends with. Which is stupid. I have amazing friends who would not be friends with someone who did not deserve it. I need to stand up for myself when friends kind of cast me aside. I should NOT be a punching bag for things I didn't do or things I didn't mean to do.
Figure out something with my religion.
Sing more.
Be bolder. Smile more. Dress how I want to, not how I think people would like. That means breaking out that fluffy pink skirt I got for a halloween costume. That means wearing the little white dress without stockings. That means trying to curl my short hair.
Get over my background a bit. Don't think I have to do everything within the preset Whittier Christian rules. Cause some of those rules are stupid. Basically, stop feeling guilty for stupid stupid things.
Speaking of which, Forgive myself when I make mistakes. I was up last night obsessing about something mean I said LAST YEAR. I need to stop that.
Listen to cool music. Yeah.
Go to more concerts. Yeah. That.

My dreams last night

2009-12-16T19:53:00.000-08:00

Ready for the dream world?

*****

So, Allen and Evan and I were camping in Big Bear, and Allen's car got stolen and driven up a ridge. So we went looking for it up there, and found a super environmental testing/physics base up there. We had to sneak around until we got chased by the guards throughout the base. We sprinted past them, and we found our way into a giant physics testing lab. Then the security guard let us go because the damage had been done.

So we poked our head around there to look to see if any of them had any insight to where the car would be, until we found one guy who was doing experiments with dropping bears off of the same ridge that they drove up Allen's car on. So we asked him, and he told us to ask the girl doing experiments with the Pink Avenger.

We meander over there and it turns out she's doing experiments on teleporting through a pink tunnel. So I run outside, and there's the main guard standing next to Allen's car. I kick him in the nuts and take the car, then call out for Allen.

****

And that was when Allen called to wake me up, cause it was already 11.

Thoughts on C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce."

2009-12-15T15:37:00.000-08:00

...Bear with me here, this might be a little bit obscure or something.

In "The Great Divorce" (TGD for short) the whole thing is a story in Purgatory. Sort of. It's a dream world type thing, where the main character is in Hell but gets a chance to go visit heaven and change his mind about the world, God, and being saved.

The best quotes are "ye cannot fully understand the relations of choice and time until you're beyond both."

"were these arguments only mimicry of Choices that had really been made long ago?"

"without the choice there could be no hell."

However, it was interesting that all these choices happened after Death. I believe that is allegorical. For example:

Hebrews 9:27 : As it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this, the judgment.

And then...the really confusing one...

Revelations 20:12 And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books.

What? This says it is by works that men are saved!

Then:

Job 8:3 Doth God pervert judgment? or does the Almighty pervert justice?

I'm confused now.

Things in my mind are clearer, but we're not in the clear quite yet.

2009-12-13T23:29:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me knows I am a religious person. I do not generally keep that a secret in any way.

I went to Christian school until high school. This is not why I am a Christian, it just gave me a basis of knowledge for the bible. My friends called me a Bible geek. And to be called a bible geek in a Christian school is a bit of something.

My first year of college strengthened my faith. Contradictory, I know, but it happened. Probably talking to all the different people who actually had different ideas made me think about my own more. And it helped.

Yet now, I find myself embroiled in a huge conflict of faith. Calvinism, Predestination, Sovereignty, the goodness of God, all these huge ideas in my head, and I can't get any of them out. Not with talking, not with writing, nothing.

I tried talking with someone, and they basically went "aww, that's cute. You're concerned about your little 'religion'." Yes. Yes. I am concerned about my religion. I am concerned about something that big and that steady in my life being shaken. I don't appreciate being patronized just because you consider yourself to be enlightened past the constraints of religion. It might not be a big thing for you, but it is to me. And trivializing it doesn't make it better.

Christian friends aren't much better. They just looked shocked that I would even consider saying some things, then shake their heads at me, saying I'll understand God's will some day.

But can this God be so cruel as to not save someone and still be the "all-good" God I've worshiped and known all these years?

Today

2009-12-10T12:02:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day since Todd died that I have dared to wear eye make-up.

Plan of action

2009-12-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

I'm tired of being like this.

So here are a bunch of goals to implement to help myself.

Listen to more music. Even when I'm alone. Especially when I'm alone. And while at work. Even if work is being negative, that's no reason for me to be pulled down with it.
Work out. No more excuses. Work out. I feel the best when I'm in shape, and no reason to compound this thing with body issues.
Eat what I want. Still be healthy, of course, but let myself have dessert. No silly restrictions. And don't feel guilty about it.
Over the break, write about five pages a day. My goal is to write another episode, all 60 pages of it.
Don't get more than 11 hours of sleep a night. Cause then I get a headache.
Talk to a Priest. Or a Pastor. Or someone who has a leadership position in a church.
Talk to people when I'm feeling down. Don't make myself feel that I need to be cheerful all the time with my friends.
Alternatively, don't feel like I have to be down all the time. Let myself be cheered up.

My life is off track

2009-12-04T15:06:00.000-08:00

And I feel like I'm drowning.

I snap at people easier. I get angry at the smallest thing. I cry almost every day. I don't want to, I don't want to.

. No one wants the friend who just cries.

Some people have said I can rely on them, I still feel guilty. Because I'm not already over it.

People just say I should get over myself and feel better already. As if it was a switch to turn off.

Lately

2009-11-28T11:40:00.000-08:00

When it rains, it pours.

On Monday, I last used my keys to open up the trunk of my car to get some water out. I then climbed into Allen's car and went to the Golden Mean show. The next time I tried to pull my keys out, at 10:45, they were gone. On my key chain were my car keys, my apartment keys, and my house keys.

We went and searched 411 again, we searched Allen's car, we waited outside in the cold for AAA to come unlock my car trunk. They weren't anywhere.

So I put in a word at the RSO and borrowed one of their keys and got back into my apartment, thinking that my keys would turn up.

On Tuesday, I came back to my apartment to find my door wide open.

Nothing was taken. I had my camera and flute upstairs, and they weren't touched. I had my dvds downstairs, they weren't taken. My jewelry was out in the open, nothing was missing. My roommate showed up after we did, and that was the first time she had been back to the apartment since Friday.

In short, someone opened my apartment and took nothing and let the door wide open.

We got the place re-keyed immediately, and I moved my camera and flute to a safe location.

But it scares me that someone has my keys and isn't friend enough to turn them in. It also scares me that they know where I live. My apartment number is not on the keys. Not too many people know where I live, and it's mostly only my close close friends.

So I ask for your help. If you know who has my keys, please please ask them to return them. I can't afford to rekey my car locks. You can turn them in anonymously at the Bannockburn RSO, and there would be no questions asked.

****

About five minutes after we rekeyed my apartment, I found out that my Coworker and Friend Todd Ransom died. Please pray for his Mother and his Sister, and for my work as we grieve him.

It has been so hard for me to keep my head above everything. I have had three or so crying breakdowns. Not only has my apartment been intruded on, my friend died.

Allen described it as if I had been rifle-butted in the face. That's fairly accurate. A gut punch might be more accurate.

Quotes from Stu again

2009-11-24T18:31:00.000-08:00

"He's not going to just roll over and play undead."

This time, on "I thought they were dead but they're not..."

"Is thrumming a real word or a Lyn word?"

BEST. SPAM. EVER.

2009-11-19T10:44:00.000-08:00

I love this. So much.

*****

From:Kate Philip.
Country:Ivory coast,Abidjan.

Dearest One,
Please permit me to intruce myself to you, My Name is Kate Philip,it is a Good thing to write you. I have a proposal for you-this however is not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you to honor against your will.I am Kate Philip 22 years old girl and the only daughter of my late parents chief Usman Philip (the cocoa merchant managing Director), My father was a highly reputable well known as the cocoa merchant managing Director during his days.It is sad to say that he passed away,may his soul rest in perfect peace(Amen)

Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an his brother who killed him just because his wealth But God knows the truth.

My mother died when I was just baby, and since then my father took me so special. Before his death,he secretly told me about this money he deposited in the bank here and used my Name as the next of kin who will inherited his money when he daughter as the only daughter,My late father love me so much and very pround of me,i miss my father so much.

He further told him that he deposited the money in my name, and finally issued a written instruction to his lawyer whom he said is in possession of all the necessary and legal documents to this fund. I am just 22 years old student and really don't know what to do. Now I want your Assistance where I can transfer this money,and the amount that witten in the file documents is (8.500us dollars) because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of my Uncle who try to kill me and claim the money from me as he requested the docuemnts of this money from me and i refused that is why i decided to transfer this money so that this money will be save and i will contine my education and invest this money with your help,.

I have maped out 20 % of the total money for your compasation for just helping me out. i want you to know that is transaction is legal and 100% risk free,i have the legal Document that relating to this money, i realy need your fruit respond so that we can proceed,and you can ask me any question you will like to known about this transaction and i will give you all need to known about this transaction and include the documents that i will send to you when we accepted to help me and you will keep it for yourself safety till you recieve this money in your bank account,your telephone number will be needed so that i will commuicate with you on phone,
Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can you honestly help me as your daughter?
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. I have map out 20% for your assistance ,Please consider this and get back to me as soon as possible. Thank you so much.

With Sincerely
Kate Philip

Quotes from Stu for the day

2009-11-17T16:51:00.001-08:00

"Wow, they'd have a bitching home shopping network!"

"Have them just ask for a pint."

"You put a voice over? You must've been hearing Morgan Freeman at that moment!"

"With the two conversations, Men are from - wait, which one is from venus? Women are from venus!"

"Serve -Volley, Serve - Volley, Serve - Volley, Volley - Serve??"

"You know, you actually need the words that make complete sentences."

"How did a ninety year old woman get across the red sea? Verrrry slowly."

"Fat kids were never popular. I'm just saying."

"he was trying to be a provocative little shit, too."

"You may know how to command an army, but an unwieldy child can break one. Been there."

"Well, you had the TV series where a guy went to school the day his parents died!"

chronology of an all nighter ....

2009-11-17T09:13:00.001-08:00

5:22 - Starting off at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on campus. Am incredibly happy that they have an oatmeal bar. Am even happier that they have agave syrup. Am even happier than that that they have a black cherry/chocolate/espresso drink. Anyways, I'm attempting to write. Cause I have to. Even though I am so emotionally checked out on this story and such. Basically, I'm ready to be done with fiction. I'm just having so much more fun in screenwriting and television.

5:24 - I feel slightly conspicuous writing a sex comedy on campus. Even though it's about a virgin.

5:30 - I keep on looking over my shoulder to make sure that no one is behind me...

5:33 - Ah, continuity, how I hate you.

5:38 - Coffee Bean and tea leaf has no restroom. I have found a flaw.

5:42 - I have come to a landmark in my writing. I have written the creepiest character. His name is "Romantic Robert."

5:46 - gawd, my protagonist sure is stupid.

5:51 - Not quite sure how this story is going to turn out decent. I can only hope and pray that i go second in the day. I am TERRIFIED that people will think this protagonist is me. Cause really, the only thing that connects us is that we are both virgins.

5:56 - This chocolate cherry espresso drink is freakishly delicious. FREAKISHLY!!!!!

8:30 - got quite a shock. I got a text from a friend asking to be taken to the ER. Okay.....

9:55 - writing in a starbucks down the street from the er. Lovely.

10:01 - Just got leered at at the starbucks. If only they knew.

10:10 - "I say a little prayer for you" just came on at starbucks.

10:21 - Rinata was diagnosed with acute bronchitis. Oh dear.

10:37 - Starbucks closed. I'm now writing in my car, in the parking lot of the Kaiser ER. Oh, my life is weird. And it's conspiring against me to not finish this story, I swear.

12:22 - I am now writing in Allen's apartment. I feel creepy. Partially it's the story matter.

1:01 - I'm about 2/3rds of the way done.

1:32 - We go and walk among the leonids. Pretty. Even better because it was with Allen. I'm a sap sometimes.

2:03 - I'm gonna go take a short nap. To refresh the mind.

6:43 - I just woke up from my "short nap." I think I'm gonna take a shower and eat and get back to work. Thank god I already told my work I'm not coming in today.

7:47 - Getting back to work. I feel awake. Really, I do. The only reason I'm trucking through today is so I can play Left4dead2 this evening.

7:54 - I have decided that the biggest structural fault with my apartment is the fact that there is a slanted window, which means it cannot be covered by the curtains.

9:04 - still plugging away. Facebook is the evils of all evils.

9:12 - Finished the story? Now I'm just waiting for proofreaders, please.

Chronology of a writing session

2009-11-16T08:26:00.001-08:00

8:26 - Coffee Depot has the best whipped cream, seriously.

8:32 - the guys behind me are on an epic quest to find the opening music to transformers. Wow. They look exactly like you'd expect.

8:59 - The guys behind me started making "whisssshhhh-ing" sounds to describe transformers stuff. They are also talking about how the second was so much better than the first.

9:04 - I got a page! I just need like ... seven or eight more. By tuesday. Yeah, I'm kinda screwed.

9:05 - transformer guys got self conscious.

9:07 - A midget just went into the restroom. I kid you not.

9:15 - there's a girl in here wearing a heavy double breasted jacket, ugg boots....and no pants.

9:19 - the transformer guys started talking again. One said "No, it's supposed to be a girl. Why isn't it a girl? It's supposed to be a girl."

9:27 - Transformer guys left.

9:29 - Got an email from my professor saying he submitted the letter of recommendation. Sweet.

9:31 - Commence post - hot chocolate sneezing fit.

9:34 - It's hard to write while having a sneezing fit. I swear.

9:37 - I think the sneezing fit ended. I'll have to leave the coffee shop soon, though.

Why I'm failing at NoBloPoMo

2009-11-13T13:33:00.001-08:00

Seriously, why do they pick November for this thing? That's just stupid.

My uncle had brain surgery. I think that has a big enough impact. While it went incredibly well and he is pretty much all better now, this was a HUGE stresser on my life.
My coworker is dying. It's pretty much an any-day sort of thing. And it's depressing. I'm going to miss him.
As a sorta side effect to the coworker, my work has been hell. Everyone is stressed and upset. On the risk of sounding really inconsiderate, this makes work really uncomfortable.
I'm writing my senior thesis.
I'm sorta writing a novel. Sorta.
I've had tons of homework.
I'm a peer mentor.

By the time I finish with my day to day stuff, all I want to do is go hang out with Allen or something. I don't always want to blog.

my life is a yo yo

2009-11-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

And my emotions are a ping pong ball.

****

"At least half of all writing involves just sitting and staring into space. Letting your brain out to hunt down ideas, bringing them back all warm and bloody between its teeth."

****

people at my office keep on flinching when the phone rings. I do too.

*****

I am going to go write today. I'll write a lot. At least to the middle of act two. I'm excited. I haven't had time to just write without a deadline for so long, so long. This will be great. I have been actively looking forwards to it.

I like doing well in TV writing. I like being able to give good remarks. I like only getting the "Good, now just continue."

I loved the dinosaur suggestion, and how that's going to come back in act two. And maybe act three.

I like how I planned out the original power structure scene for Lora and Saul. This makes me so incredibly happy.

*****

I hate how I feel like I'm stalling at work. I wish I could do the work at home, where it's not stressful, and the world is peaceful.

****

I'm closing a bank account today. Why am I nervous?

Post number two

2009-11-05T21:30:00.001-08:00

Well, today was a good day on the Uncle Dwayne side. A very good day.

Not so much with work.

oops

2009-11-05T08:08:00.001-08:00

I forgot yesterday. So today will have two posts, I swear. Maybe three.

Uncle Dwayne's in surgery right now. They've taken out a part of his skull, and are cutting into the tissues around his brain. Guess what, I'm kinda freaked out by it.

_____

EDIT!

The doctor said the surgery went well and the doctor thinks he got all the tumor out and Dwayne will be fine.

____

SECOND EDIT!

Not only did the surgery go well, he is awake enough to talk to my aunt.

____

THIRD EDIT!

He is up, eating full meals, not on any pain medication, and sounding really cheerful! He called my grandma.

Another awesome quote from my tv teacher

2009-11-03T17:20:00.000-08:00

"save it for the novel, it doesn't fit in the teleplay."

Late, but still counting.

2009-11-02T20:03:00.000-08:00

So last night I had a horrid nightmare. I chalk it up to the old seasonal affective disorder that gives me those nightmares.

Anyways, in the dream, the economy had gotten to such bad of state that the only way the government was able to solve it was to start selling off it's citizens into slavery. But because they couldn't divide it by race (that'd be racist) they entered everyone's social security numbers into a lottery. Guess who's number was called!

So last week mostly sucked.

2009-11-01T15:24:00.000-08:00

Here's for this one getting better.

This week:

I don't have to worry about mentee meetings. All of those are taken care of.
I don't have to worry about Audeamus interviews.
I actually have free time.
I will have physical time to write on my senior thesis. I plan to get far on that. Okay goal: to the second act break.
Allen and I will go back to SD to probably get him a car.

So many things have been happening!

2009-10-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

Wednesday: We get a picture of my Uncle's MRI. The tumor looks like a marble. We find out that he might get to have gamma knife surgery, which would mean that he wouldn't have to have his skull cracked open for surgery. That's good.

I found out that on thursday, friday, and the next week I would be having to do Audeamus meetings. Cause I couldn't have been told earlier. Nope. I was left off the email list. Intentionally or unintentionally, it's really freaking annoying. And I did not have the patience to deal with that idea.

I had to be the head teacher for my HNPG 9 class. I prefaced it that I would have to answer any phone call, cause of my uncle.

Thursday: We find out that Uncle Dwayne should have surgery immediately. But he's not getting it for a few weeks. That sucks.

I played Rock Band with Allen, Evan, and Sam. Sam is cool, I'd like to hang out with her more, I believe.

Friday: Allen left for Vegas. We find out that my uncle has to have regular brain surgery, so his skull will be cracked open. Got first drunk text from Allen.

Saturday: Spent all day writing, then went to Matt's Window's 7 party. Oh dear nerdiness. With a side dish of awkwardness. Turns out that one of my best friend's ex girlfriend is dating one of Matt's roommates. Got about....five drunk texts from Allen.

Sunday: Not feeling well. Allen came back, yay. I had a three hour meeting for a project for theater that was due the next day, we thought we'd all have to pull an all nighter...and then class was CANCELLED!

Friday:

Bad news.

2009-10-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get too much bad news too fast.

Today I got an email. Uncle Dwayne's cancer is back in his brain. Well, he has a 2.9 centimeter tumor on his right frontal lobe.

And then my coworker. The one with the cancer around his spine? It's terminal. there's nothing that can be done. They're stopping treatment.

I feel like I want to cry.

Best quote of the week

2009-10-16T09:20:00.001-07:00

"Well yeah. That's Lolcats. Lolcats are lolcats. They bridge social barriers."

Best. Typo. Ever.

2009-10-15T11:56:00.001-07:00

"That jolly old elf with a belly like a bowel full of jelly."

You can't make this up.

Hello, internets

2009-10-08T15:01:00.000-07:00

I am a bit overwhelmed at this moment.

I finished the story at 3:30 am. I slept through my alarm and was woken up by a text from Caroline. She's in labor! she's having her baby!

I check online, and three proofreaders backed out cause my story was too intense. Another two couldn't open the document. And three only read the first couple of pages. Oh dear.

Printing out...my printer ran out of paper. Got some more at Allen's. Then it ran out of paper again. Printed at reprographics.

AUGH!

I'm still flying high on adrenaline.

Then today in workshop we were talking about stabbing someone with a potato peeler. Yeah.

OVERWHELMED!

Writing: The process

2009-10-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm writing a difficult story. I know this. I know it's tough.

I knew it was going to be tough to write. The story is very close to a situation that happened to a friend. It's not exact, no, because that would be impossible. But the idea of justice in the story, that is a very real feeling for me in regards to this friend.

Yesterday, it almost broke me. I got overwhelmed with the idea that even in a story world, I could not bring justice to this friend. The story was going too slowly, and the main character just didn't act. It wasn't that he didn't have enough motivation to act, he just...didn't. He was paralyzed with inaction, and it was tearing me apart.

I broke down in tears yesterday, and sobbed. I felt like I completely failed my friend, by failing to make this story good or to make this story real. I felt, and I still somewhat feel, that I will be failing my friend if this story is not the best it can be.

I had to majorly rework the story to justify why the character was not active right now. I had to introduce some sort of doubt into the story. Cause if he had no reason not to, then he should've acted already. But, because of the constraints of the story, I couldn't let that happen.

I really ought to not exorcise my personal demons in my prose writing.

First exerpt from my story

2009-10-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

Here's a tiny little bit of the story.

*****

Mother sets the teacup down on the thin china. "I wish him luck." The teacup almost tips. "May he live his life well."

Some of the coffee drips onto the perfect saucer. Words are difficult. "I'm glad you're okay, mum."

She smiles, frail, the corners of her lips shake. She glances out the curtained window. 'When'll you come back for another visit?"

"I don't know, mum."

Her lashes look down. "The tomatoes will be ripe next week."

I stand, she's small in her chair. "I love you, mum."

"Give me a call if you need money. Or anything."

"I will."

She stares at her white hands. I walk out, my shoes clicking on the linoleum. She keeps it clean, her kitchen is always spotless.

****

Overheard at work

2009-10-02T09:23:00.000-07:00

V: Who wants coffee!
K: Ohhh...I do....
V: What's up?
K: I'm trying to give up starbucks.
T: Oh good luck. I tried that. It never works.

freewriting

2009-10-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

I was (finally) able to freewrite a scene. It turned out well.

Then I wrote another scene that I'm particularly proud of.

Maybe I will be able to write this.

I'll try.

It's due in a week.

Darkly Dreaming Lyn

2009-09-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

So, my newest story is dark. Dark dark dark dark dark.

I can't rely on my usual proofreaders for this one. It's morbid, it's violent, and it has disturbed most people who I've told about it.

Research for it has been giving me nightmares.

The worst part? It's due Thursday, October 8th. So I have practically zero time to get adjusted to the idea of it. So it's all cramming down in my head all at once.

So, my three or four readers of this blog, do any of you want to help me with this? I'm going to need questions to write about. I'm going to need feedback. I'm going to need a proofreader that's not going to blast me for the subject matter.

So, homework has started and I'm in an odd mood.

2009-09-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, homework happens now. I have a two page paper to write, some fiction to read, and some nerves to gather up.

Oh yeah, that's cause I'm starting acting tomorrow.

I'm scared. I'm scared shitless.

What if I make a fool of myself and no one thinks good of me? What if I disappoint? The fact that Brenda might be teaching does not make things easier. She knows me. She could be disappointed if I don't do well. There's also the bugging thought: what if people don't like me as much cause of my acting? What if I make a fool out of myself? What if I'm awkward?

Also, it's been a while since I've written fiction. The past two years have been almost exclusively playwriting and screenwriting, which are two MASSIVELY different beasts than fiction. A part of me wonders if I've lost my edge. This frightens me.

Ironically, the only class I'm not nervous about is the class I have absolutely no experience in: TV writing.

Maybe that's why. There are less expectations. If I suck, I can play it off as not knowing what I'm doing.

My opinion on the matter...

2009-09-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I'm grateful for my education. And I am very grateful for my professors.

I have had many professors here at UC Riverside who have positively and greatly impacted my education and my writing.

Goldberry Long: She first introduced me to the idea of freewriting. The idea that sometimes you just need to let yourself writing, that you need to get things on the page before even thinking of making it "pretty" or gramatically correct. She taught me the idea of having multiple conflicts over a story, and how there are more possibility for conflict with three characters rather than two, ect. ect. She taught me story structure and how you have to base your writing in the creative effort.

Michael Jayme: While Goldberry taught me the creative ideals, Jayme put a lot of emphasis on the technical aspect of writing. Everything was scrutenized for grammatical errors, even the critiques. Comma splices, sentence fragments, and interiority. Oh, the interiority. Everything had to be different levels of interioirity, and those who got that got the good grades.

I would not have been able to learn if they were not in the classrooms.

Just because you're pay is being cut, you do not have to harm the students by walking out. We have to pay more now, don't give us less than what we paid for.

BEST. TWITTER. CONVERSATION. EVER.

2009-09-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

writerLynSomeone thought I was 14. That sure inspires confidence in me right before starting my senior year of college. I need to cut my hair.

IHateThisSANC@writerLyn Try looking 16 and about to have a baby. That's fun lol

tonybaltierraThat's called Juno, Caroline: RT @IHateThisSANC @writerLyn Try looking 16 and about to have a baby. That's fun lol

writerLyn@IHateThisSANC I love you. So much. I just busted up laughing at work, and now the marketing director gave me a funny look. THANK YOU! :D

Overheard today

2009-09-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

*****

Bosses Boss from her office: Hey! They're offering me a free porno!
Secretary: A free what?
Bosses Boss: A free porno!
Secretary: That's a deal.
Bosses Boss: I've never seen one of those before!
Secretary: A porno or a free porno?

*****

Oh! Remember those student profiles that I STRUGGLED with? And got no response? Well, basically AGSM's runner boy came to drop off some print advertising, and he stopped and said:

"Oh! Thank you so so much for those student profiles! We loved them!"
Me: "Really?"
Him: "Yes! They were great!....Carolyn didn't email you back about them, did she?"
Me: "Nope."
Him: "Well, in this case that's a great thing."

Yay personal affirmation.

*****

So, screenplay

2009-09-20T17:03:00.000-07:00

I got to page 100 on my screenplay today. I am on such a writers high.

They say that it takes 4-7 screenplays before someone writes a good one. So I'm one away from that.

Best non-sequitur. Ever.

2009-09-19T23:57:00.001-07:00

Lyn

the writing was awesome, though

I only stopped cause my wrists got tired

11:53pmEvan

Oh?

11:55pmLyn

oh, I saw a guy riding a harley only in his whitey tighties today

I kinda did a wtf face at that

11:56pmEvan

I've been teaching yoeman girls how to flip a balisong

Eww

11:56pmLyn

yeah. It was on the 91 freeway, too

Peer Mentor Training - reflections.

2009-09-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

So this week I have horridly been absent from the internet. Facebook has been the only one receiving any bit of attention, and even then not much. Twitter has had maybe three updates, this blog has been forgotten, and myspace...well...myspace is pretty much dead.

Overall, peer mentor training was remarkably smooth. No huge embarrassments, no weird tension with former friends, no massive sicknesses. I mean, it had it's ups and downs (I'm looking at you, Program Director) but it was overall good.

And it gave me some confidence. Confidence that hey, I've found something I'm good at that can help people. Cause as much as I love writing, it doesn't really have to many aspects of social change.

It's given me confidence that hey, I might be somewhat charismatic. I'm terrified of crowds, but who do I have myself to compare to? The theater department. They all, and I mean all (I'm looking at you, Rinata) completely outshine me in charisma and leading a group. So I was kind of gauging myself off of that. But I'm not too bad, actually. In the peer mentors, I'm actually fairly decent.

It's given me confidence that hey, this next years peer mentor group is gonna rock awesomely. Honors nine will be amazing. I'm sure of it.

It's given me confidence that honors is going in the right direction. Emily will be awesome. Emily will most likely be stressed, but awesome.

Bored at work

2009-09-08T14:48:00.001-07:00

I'm relatively bored at work. I'm writing a profile for the business website.

So, to pass the time, I'm trying to think up the worst first lines of stories. Vote for which one you want to be actually made into a story.

****

"And then one day, she started buttoning her jeans differently"

"His desk was full of germs, all over, from the crumbs in the keyboard to the fingerprints on the monitor to the sticky tape residue left by some uppity secretary having the audacity to tape something to his computer, that bitch."

"Someone touched his kleenax box, he was sure of it."

"He was originally skeptical of such passing fads such as facebook or twitter, until he realized he could look up anyone - his ex-wife's mother will get what she deserves"

"No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't drive past his house without feeling like she was some how not needed to happen."

"When in a bad mood, she would call upon the god of cubical walls, the god of coffee, and the god of poorly designed computers."

"She only felt alive when she danced, which was unfortunate, cause she was a paraplegic."

"The cat was staring at him with it's tiny eyes again, he could feel it, he could feel it."

"He only went into work because the alternative would be to sit at home eating easy mac and watching bad tv show reruns, but he already did that this weekend and no one likes monotony."

"It's a lot easier to start thinking as a communal insect once everyone was considered equal, he had to give it that."

"Nothing could've prepared him for the pudding apocalypse, nothing."

"And on that day, she ran out of beef jerky, so those crap-spewing, teeth-smiling, pig-wearing, scaly son-of-bitches were gonna die."

A chronical of today - Alone in the office 1/2

2009-09-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

7:52 - I unlock the door then lock it right again behind me. I work in the UV. Can't be too safe. Especially when I'm all alone in the gigantic stratcomm office.

8:03 - Holy crap this place is huge.

8:16 - Posted on facebook about being able to hear the crickets. Within four minutes I got a fb message from the art director saying that they were watching me.

8:35 - I get my first phone call as acting secretary. It was from the actual secretary. Telling me that she left me some candy.

9:06 - I start to look up more furnature. This time doing a floor plan that's sadly to scale. Conclusion: I really can't do a full bed. Not it and my couch. Sad.

9:17 - Some very large guy just walked by, slowly. His footsteps echo along the outside of the walkway.

9:18 - Hey wait, wasn't Andy supposed to be here by now? I wanted to leave him in control of the office so I could go get some coffee. Dang it! I can't leave without him to watch over the office! And I want my coffee. Late nights at Angela's mean I don't get much sleep, and I need some caffeine.

9:26 - I might have to be alone in the office today with no caffeine. Holy crap. So not fair.

9:32 - Gave in and turned on my music. Slightly better. Still no caffeine.

9:42 - Ever wish you can wave your hand and make everything in your friend's lives better? Yeah, I'm doing that right now. I see some of my friends in utter pain, and I want to be able to convince them that things will get better, that this is not the ultimate moment of feeling in their lives, that things are not going to stay in this sort of status quo for forever. Life has it's ups and downs. This is a definite down, but it can move up. When my friends abandoned me after freshman year, I thought that I would be stuck in that funk for forever. But guess what. I wasn't. When Ryan and I broke up, I thought I would be stuck in that horrible feeling that I messed something huge up. But life rebounded. And life will continue to rebound. This is not hell, life will get bettter. Now if only I could actually convince someone of that.

9:50 - Just got an invite from Sarah for a possible game night. On Friday. I doubt I can come, cause I have to carpool down with Allen the next day for Sarah's concert. Darn. I'm gonna try, see if I can convince Allen to spend the evening with my dad or something...though that might be mean.

9:53 - First phone call from someone who was actually trying to reach someone. I told her to leave a message with the voice mail. She didn't believe me. That's just amazing.

10:04 - A song from high school just came on my itunes. Something like Silas. Weird. Brought back the emoness that is hume lake.

10:15 - I wish I had something to do. All I had to do today is make some quick gramatical changes on a short piece. But I'm officially answering phones for my job. Lovely.

10:37 - Nothing quite like getting story ideas and not being able to work on them.

10:39 - There are some people outside, yelling. I think they're downstairs. But they're echoing.

10:46 - Just found my office's supply of UCR mms.

10:50 - A hobo just raided the outside garbage can.

11:08 - I find out it's Marcia's, my bosses bosses boss, birthday today. I should probably not eat her mms, then.

11:14 - Getting lonely. Really lonely.

11:25 - Talked to Allen, he'll be coming over within the next half hour. And he'll be bringing food. And AJ will come and visit on his lunch visit. Oh thank god. People. And food. And caffeine. So much want.

11:28 - Somehow, after yesterday, Angela is not hungover. I don't quite comprehend her.

11:46 - I just successfully postponed my jury duty until the week after finals. Cause that'll be good. Doing jury duty during the holidays. At least it's better than during the first week of school.

11:48 - AJ's here!

things on my mind

2009-09-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

*****
I am definitely looking forwards to the John Williams concert. So much. The only part that's not as much is the idea that we will be driving from LA to San Diego that night. That'll be murder. Maybe I'll buy an energy drink.

*****
Just thought about that. No. Mr. Ed is bringing wine. I don't want to have an energy drink and wine. That's just bad.

*****
Maybe I'll get some of that Cardinale to bring, so they can try it.

*****
Allen and I had a fight on Monday. It wasn't a horribly dramatic fight, but it needed to happen. It pretty much spun from the fact that we hadn't had ANY alone time between the two of us since...since Colorado, pretty much. And that's from a combination of many things, a couple of friends broke up so we had to keep them company, family matters, work, ect. But regardless, it was bad. For both of us. So I took Tuesday off and we had a vacation together down to San Diego. I feel...much better? A bit on edge cause of the fight, but utterly relieved that we talked it out and both decided to make a bigger effort for the two of us.

*****
Dawn just told me I am monkey lady today. Great. So I am making copies and stapling and collating. That's just so much fun.

*****
Someone's holding a conference in the kitchen. So I can't really go in and get my water bottle. Bummer.

*****
I can't wait for Sarah's concert, either. I really want it to be perfect for her. I'm wracking my brains for a gift to get her for it, I really don't know yet. Probably I'll end up with a book. But I want it to be a bit more special than that.

*****
I had the most brilliant idea for Allen for his birthday. Awesome. Now to start saving time and money for that.

*****
I got my paycheck today, so I'm so going down for coffee right this moment. Me? Hyper? Always better.

*****
Okay so I got iced tea. That works.

*****
So I just realized that one of the secretaries is very negative. She's nice, but very negative.

*****
Someone's in to interview for Kat's position. Okay? That's fairly bizarre. I thought we had a hiring freeze, yet more and more people keep on getting more jobs.

*****
Today I think, after work, I'll go to the bank and deposite my pay check, I'll go home and get my car, put gas into her, then drive off to redlands for some writing and buy the Cardinale. My goal is to finally finish this fight, then write the next ten pages. And to not be concerned about being OUT of structure. Cause that's frustrating, but a problem for revision. Maybe I'll finish the fight scene at home, so I can have Allen and Evan to bounce action ideas off of. And that'll take care of the time to let traffic die down. And then I can eat lunch at home, reducing my costs. Yes. This sounds excellent.

*****
Tomorrow I'll be the sole person in the office. I think I'll bring my laptop for music. Heck yes. Though that will be INCREDIBLY lonely and boring.

*****

At the end of a crappy day of work

2009-08-31T16:14:00.000-07:00

So I got most of my work done within the first half hour. Good. I felt decent about that.

Then I attacked the interview of bad grammar. And promptly got mired in the unwritableness of it. This person tried so hard to make all of his statements ripe for marketing, and it turned into just impossible to use for marketing. Lovely.

So I went to write outside, which usually breaks the mindlessness.

And I got a call from my mother. I've been called into Jury Duty. The first week of school. In freaking COMPTON.

I try to write some of my own stuff to calm myself down, I can't get more than a sentence out. Which does nothing to make me feel better. In fact, it only fuels into my doubts that I just might not be good enough. Cause I certainly feel puny.

****
And now someone in the office is playing bagpipe music. FML.

The days since Thursday

2009-08-31T07:54:00.000-07:00

So I didn't go into work, for starters. We left for the campsite at around...2, after a few false starts and a long break at Subway.

Driving up there it was 107. Which was just plain depressing. Once we turned up the mountain, though, the temperature just started to drop. Evan was fast asleep, so Liz and I talked about extreme trucking. I kid you not. Apparently there's a TV show. The horror story from that one was the guy who had to truck over ice on the last trip of the season with a load that was liquid, which meant it moved around a lot, at 10 mph. Freaky. It gave me nightmares.

The camp site was already there for us, secluded, though we drove by a TON of motor homes and such. I mean, this place was worse than the small city up at Lake Hemet!

We made a trip down to the general store, played a ton of uno (I won twice, luckily, then on the ultra round Jad completely trounced us) and found a crap load of beads at the campsite. I mean, a CRAP LOAD. Like a craft fair had an battle to the death or something. It was intense. And they were fun to shoot from Evan's semi-professional sling shot. Especially at squirrels. Remember the fact that we were pissing off the squirrells.

Come nightfall, we had to light the propane lantern. It FWOMPED. And burned the hair off of knuckles. And Bree and Liz obsessively hunted down bugs. You learn a lot about the bugs around you when you camp with entemologists.

Friday:
Evan woke up with a swollen toe, there was a fire about 10 miles away, and the air was super smoky. As in I'm having troubles breathing type of smoky. The people at the general store assured me that the fire would be coming nowhere near where we were, but that the smoke would be bad. And I only had my contacts. It made most of Friday a day where it hurt to blink and it hurt to breath. Lovely. That kinda limited our activities for most of the day.

However, Friday was not all bad. Catan was played, then the best surprise of all: Allen was able to come! In a convoluted series of events, Evan had to run down home to help his mom with something, so Craig took him down, and since Allen had then finished his final, he was able to hitch a ride up. And he brought his football, and Evan grabbed his rubber knives and his sword with the back holster. Remember the fact that we had the sword.

We had to wait until nightfall to do any cooking, for the campsite was full of bees and yellow jackets during the day. So we had to hold the same propane lantern up, and someone had to stand guard with the bug zapper. The bug zapper that basically barbequed any bugs that flew into it...including spiders. That was empowering.

So we played more uno and watched more stars and heard some more stuff move about the campsite.

Saturday:
Saturday was pancake day. Which meant we actually had to cook while the sun was out. Bad, bad luck. Yellow Jackets. Especially the fact that the stove wasn't working correctly and we only had small pans. So it took a full two hours to cook the pancakes, with alternating shifts of Evan and Jad cooking. We also made WAY TOO MANY pancakes in way too big of a bowl. So we put the batter bowl on a faraway table, full of water, with the spatula in it, the lid on top to keep out the yellow jackets. Remember this.

Allen and Evan were up the earliest, shooting squirrels with beads and stuff. Pissing them off. Remember this.

The guys decided to knife fight, which was epic and, in my opinion, good for the guys. It's always good for guys to be guys, and it seems that they had a blast. And by them having a blast, they talked about it for the rest of the day.

I also discovered the sports setting for my camera, which means I got some epic shots. SO EPIC.

Then we went swimming. We basically commandeered the deep side of the pool from all the old people with their noodles and swimming aids, and did a short diving competition. which rocked. And then they did synchronized diving, which means I got some AMAZING shots. Especially with this sports setting.

The old people at this place were mean! The people in front of me in line to get a snack were all pissy that there wasn't any ice cream, and they completely ratted out the poor old lady who was working the snack shack. I mean, please. It wasn't her fault.

And then my shoe exploded. On the way from the pool to our campsite. So I had to ride on Evan's shoulders and piggy-backed from Allen the entire half mile walk back. Over rough terrain. Take a -2 for speed and being encumbered.

We came back, and the lid was off of the batter bowl, and the spatula was gone. Like, gone gone. We couldn't find it at all. We chalked it up to stupid kids or ambitious squirrells. We had been pissing off the squirrels.

That night, after the nastiest mac and cheese and the most depressing game of Catan at the far table, we came back and our cloth cooler was knocked over. Oh well, someone must've bumped it. So to bed we go.

At one AM, I hear from one of the three tents: "It's trying to get inside of my tent!" in a high, panicked voice. Then a "what the hell!!" and "where is it, where is it??"

So I'm wide awake.

Then "oh my gosh, it's on the table! What the hell is that? It's huge!"

I spring up, look outside the window, and there is a gigantic raccoon. And by gigantic I mean about three times as big and as fat as the fattest cat you've ever seen.

Pretty much everyone clatters out of the tents. Except Evan. Allen is wide awake and totally pumped up on adrenaline, and Craig has the intense flashlight up. We advance on it, I get literally five feet away...

...and watch it just unzip our cloth cooler, take out some graham crackers, and lumber away. It had no fear of us wanting to scare it away. I was standing three to five feet away, taking pictures, and it just chomped down on our graham crackers.

"Where's the sword?" Allen said, turning towards Evan's tent. But no, he was fast asleep. As in dead asleep. We had been yelling and laughing and waving our hands, and he was asleep.

Craig suggested we get the sling shot. But no, that was in Evan's tent as well.

After about an hour of us following it out and waving our hands to scare it away, it finally lumbered off past the ravine. And leaving all the guys totally pumping with adrenaline. Allen totally got into the protective guy mode, not even wanting to let me out of his sight. I asked him if he was gonna have nightmares from it, from the idea of something trying to get into the tents to get me, and he pretty much said yeah.

When heading back to the tents, we found the slingshot just on one of the chairs. Just chilling there. Out the entire time. Of course.

It took a while before people got to sleep again.

Sunday:
The guys were up and at it much earlier than the rest again, of course. And Allen had a nightmare about me getting kidnapped, of course.

Sunday was mostly full of trying to get the other tents up so we could pack up the stuff and head home, for Allen and Evan were a bit tired of the camping trip, plus Allen had something to do. We left at about 11:45, had a quick stop at a drive through starbucks, and was home.

On Sunday night I went to go see Twelfth Night at the park. It was...okay. Most of the people were obviously acting. Malvolio and Tobias were obviously in the characters, and they made the show. And yes, S. was there. Oh well. She glared at me from back stage a bit. It obviously disturbed me a ton.

I talked to Robin Russin, he greeted me by asking if I was a theater major yet. I talked with Paul, he asked me to audition for the next play. The auditions are Wednesday. Not sure if I'm gonna go.

Dreams and other stuff

2009-08-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

DREAM:

So I was in a school for evil geniuses. Yet, for some reason, I was in all the remedial classes. Like, basic addition, basic naming of countries, basic history, ect. So I skipped class.

Oh, also, I wasn't an evil genius. I was actually quite good. And I could fly.

Which caused quite a stir. I mean, an evil genius actually using the powers for good? That's not generally heard of. I would fly around the countryside, freeing people and telling them how bad off they were because of the evil geniuses. But no one really suspected me, cause they wrote me off as a loser and flunker.

Except for one guy, my desk mate. He started tracking the times that I was missing class, and corresponded them with the times people were getting freed.

One time he tracked me coming back from the freeing people thing and met me at the staircase. He handed me a dictionary, and in it was only one definition, repeated over and over again. "TRAITOR"

The problem was no one believed him, either.

****
OTHER STUFF:

I just got the syllabus for my senior thesis class. THAT intimidates me. To no end. Even though it's only 60 pages, that's not too bad. I mean, 60 pages in three weeks? That's only...20 pages a week. Well, that's kinda intense, but it's not like I'm going to have a shortage of free time, right?

Oh wait.

I'm taking three other classes. And working. And teaching a class. All which count for something and can't be dropped. THIS is wonderful. At least one other will include a significant amount of writing. I'm gonna have to organize it so it's not due at the same time as the television script. ACTUALLY, what I should do is write a rough rough draft before school starts so I can at least not stress about it, then go up for workshop the first chance I get. Yeah. That might work. Though that's a bitch of a thing to do before school starts. Especially when I'm working on finishing my screenplay before that time, too. And writing all my stuff for Graduate School Applications.

Goals for this week/weekend.

2009-08-24T13:41:00.000-07:00

so, I want to be at or close to the 75 point by the time I leave for camping this week. So to do that, I want to write around 4 to 5 pages each day. I've already written three and a half today.

so to do that, I will abstain from facebook. And web comics. and Cracked.com. And Oodee. Well, at least when I'm on my laptop. When I'm on another computer (and therefore unable to work on it) I'm perfectly fine with checking those things. So work is still in the clear.

For this weekend I want to start reworking the Masterpiece. Which means printing it out and trying to perfect the first half. Cause it's currently my best thing for grad school applications. And the first act is decent.

(EDIT! For those of you who do not know, The Masterpiece is a title of something. It's not really a masterpiece. It's actually a bit sucky. In this current draft.)

My coworkers

2009-08-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

This week has been full of performance reviews. Everyone's been having to go into the boss's office for a good hour and get "evaluated".

I'm just lucky I'm a student and that doesn't count for me.

Anyways, one of the marketing people went in there, came out, and whispered-screamed "I HATE THIS PLACE!"

Scared

2009-08-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

There are some huge changes coming ahead in my life, and they frighten me. Things that I have been expressly forbidden from telling anyone. Which makes it seem even worse. the things themselves are just plain confusing, but the fact that it has to be secret and has to be under wraps just...scares me.

Demon dreams

2009-08-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

So, I had a fairly horrible dream last night. I'm gonna try to be creative with it. So bear with me. If it sounds weird, it's cause the dream was weird.

It was such a stereotypical horror nightmare.

*****
It started with small things. A cup moving from one side of my desk to the other. A wisp of cool air across my neck. The feeling that someone was barely, just barely touching the top of my neck. I'd close my eyes, and my eyelashes would flutter.

I sat down next to Allen, strangely enough at my work desk. Apparently he got hired at strategic communications as well.

"I think it happened again," he said.

"What?" I reached for my water bottle, missed it. He pointed, it rested in the back of my desk, near my target and business cards.

"oh well." I grabbed it and thought nothing more.

****
The next day my band director died. A freak accident. They found his heart in the other room. It was still trying to beat.

****
Someone was following me. Slow, deliberate footsteps echoed around the hallway. I was at the house, but everything elongated. All the dust and dirt and kitty litter on the floor kept on rattling, disappearing, being sucked into the void of someone following me. I couldn't reach the end of the hallway, as if it kept on stretching and stretching and -

-And a heavy hand slammed on my shoulder. I turned, saw a glimpse of a human form, before it all crumpled into literal dust. I was left with a large mark of ash all over my shirt.

****
Everything in the kitchen was floating two feet about the counter. Knives hummed in mid air, a pan of half-scrambled eggs floated a few inches away from the actual frying pan.

****
My parents were found dead. Clawed through. I opened my eyes to see the demon hunched over me.

He reaches a twisted hand out to me, slashing. I screamed, and he disappeared, leaving bloody gashes across my face.

****
The army tried to take him down. They're sat over a sand pit, I watched from the bleachers. Allen had his arm around me.

The sand started to swirl, disappearing, consolidating into a single human feature. I craned my neck, trying to see over, into the pit, it vanished.

An Army Private throws a handful of concrete dust into the sand pit. The shape was briefly illuminated by the falling dust.

A line of blood slowly appeared across the Private's chest. He stared in horror, it grew, ripped him apart.

Allen covered my eyes from the rest.

****
Allen and I were sitting on the couch in the house. I was crying into his shoulder (the tears stung my injured face), he was looking around.

A pot dropped in the kitchen. I jumped up, staring at it.

The dust on the fridge and under the stove rattled out, forming the demon. He reached for me.

I ran to it, hysterical, wanting to stab it or punch it or just hurt it, and Allen grabs me, holding me back.

"No! It'll kill you!" He yelled, I kicked up, still trying to get to the demon.

****

and then I woke up. I had to turn the lights on in my room to make sure that all my stuff wasn't floating. I couldn't get back to sleep for a few hours.

stolen from Rinata.

2009-08-13T22:59:00.000-07:00

Did you just wake up?

Hah no. I've been awake for 18 hours.

What's the color of the soap in your bathroom?

Uh. I'm actually not sure. And I'm too lazy to get up and check.

The next person you'll hold hands with...will it mean anything?

I think so!

What is your middle name?

Noel. Yeah, My parents thought they were clever

What can you hear right now?

The cats scratching at the...litter box.

Who was your last text from?

Jad! He's on set right now, which sounds awesome.

Are you someone's close friend?

Yeah

Last time you cried?

This afternoon on my drive home.

When's the last time you looked in the dictionary?

Today. My job requires it. And someone told my boss he was full of "puffery"

Have you seen all the Rocky movies?

Seen none of them actually

What books, if any, have made you cry?

Haha way too many to count.

Last thing you drank?

Water

When's the last time you chose a bath over a shower?

Wow seriously a long time ago. Like...three or more years ago.

Where did you sleep last night?

My bed.

Do you have good vision?

Ha not at all.

What was the last movie you saw in theaters?

Star Trek. At the bargain theater

Has anyone ever cheated on you?

Not that I know of

Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?

I have a lot more guy friends than girls.

Have you been to New York City?

A long time ago

Does whatever happens in Vegas... really stay in Vegas?

Well it didn't for me, but nothing bad happened so it's a moot point.

Are you closer to your mother or father?

I'm closer to my mom, but I get along better with my dad.

Look outside, how's the weather outside?

Dark

What was the last thing you saw on TV?

HIMYM

Do the speakers on your computer work?

Sorta. Not amazingly.

Do you have a job?

Hell yeah! Puffery and WoW and xyzzy!

Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?

Uh, yes? Why is this important?

Do you have any children?

Nope.

Have you ever written in wet cement?

Actually, no. I always wanted to, but I never wanted to do something too permanent.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

Uh...My mother

Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?

Hell no.

Ever lied about your age?

Yeah. I once told a guy I was 25 to see what he did. He didn't believe me.

What are you looking forward to?

School. And...that's about it. Oh! And Spamalot.

What do you usually do first in the morning?

Try to go back to sleep.

What is one emotion you are feeling right now?

Sad and lonely. But not ridiculously so. Just quietly so. Does that make sense?

Opposite sex on your mind?

Totally.

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?

Oh heck yes.

What is the reason behind the last time you cried?

Really, it was cause a lady was mean to me at the restaurant.

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?

Right now I really want Allen.

Are you gonna be home alone tonight?

Well, I'm home alone already.

Do you have a best friend?

Yeah

How old are your siblings?

One is 25 and the other is...wow, 14.

What do you carry with you at all times?

Knife. Yeah, I'm bad-ass.

How many piercings do you have?

one in each ear

How many tattoos do you have?

eww none.

Do you prefer talking on the phone or online?

I like talking on the phone more, but I'm really bad at it.

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Mid day person.

Are you perfect? I

Hah

How many times have you been to Canada?

Once. But apparently I'm going next summer.

Who was the last person you told a personal story to?

Rinata, over AIM.

What did you do yesterday?

got food poisoning and had to council a heartbroken friend. Yup, fun.

Ever cried yourself to sleep?

Duh.

What shoes are you wearing right now?

Barefoot

When is your birthday?

December freaking Christmas.

Do you regret anything?

always. I try not to, though.

Do you have a brother?

Nope.

Do you have your license?

Had one for 5 years.

What's worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you?

Mad. I can't stand to have people mad at me.

Do you know how to change a diaper?

Actually no. I try to avoid babies.

Do you get along with girls?

Generally.

Can you honestly say you're okay right now?

I'm okay. Not content or ecstatic, but okay.

Would you go a day without eating?

Actually, no I can't. It has to do with the blood sugar thing.

Do you always answer your phone?

Unless I'm in a meeting or driving. And then I call people back.

Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

I don't think so?

Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy?

Yeah, there is.

Do you like someone?

Why yes I do.