In a blogging mood, but with nothing to write about

This will be random.

I need to go to sleep in at least an hour. Why? Cause I'm going to church. A new church.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm going. There was nothing "wrong" with my old one, it had amazing worship, okay preaching, and a fun atmosphere.

But lately I just felt out of place there. One sunday I just felt so wrong, so out of place, like a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle box. Like I knew there was a place for me, it just wasn't anywhere near where I was.

That's actually something I've been feeling a lot lately. Like I know there's a place for me, I'm searching in the same general type of surrounding that I'm supposed to be, but there's something wrong with it. I don't know what it is.

My classes this quarter suck. For the first time at UCR, I feel like I'm not learning a thing. That...really makes me uneasy. I mean, Screenwriting is interesting, but I want to get to WRITING! I feel like I haven't done ANY! And that SUCKS! Maybe I've been out of my fiction classes for too long. Who knows.

I feel out of place in my friends sometimes. Not always, just sometimes. I want to just forget myself and be myself. I can sometimes do that with these friends, but not always. Sometimes it's fun to go to the theater parties. I don't drink, but it's okay for me to act something crazy, sometimes sensual, sometimes weird, sometimes quirky, and sometimes kinda off-kilter. But othertimes I feel horribly awkward in front of them. And it's weird, but I feel horribly awkward with the theater people at the times when I feel completely at home with my other friends. I can't really define it. The only person who crosses over these boundaries is Allen. I can (generally) feel comfortable with him. Generally.

Well, if you're reading this blog, then you probably know a bit about my life lately, and know that in the last part of september Allen and I broke up, then got back together three days later. One of the things that's still bugging me about it is the fact that I was taken completely by surprise by it. I had no clue he was having doubts about our relationship. And that scares me. Will that happen again? Will I just be blissfully unaware that something's going to crash, something's going to change, something's going to blow up, something's going to fall, something's going to explode?

And will I know if things will fall apart in other aspects? If I wasn't able to tell in an intimate relationship, how will I tell other places?