Getting better?

I almost had a depressive episode last night. I slept in the same bed I slept in the night of the graduation party that started this all.

The key word was almost.

Instead I made myself think about dancing with Allen, how we were out of breath, how we were smiling, and how it felt so good, how our legs were so sore, and how we got to hug and move to the music.

Feeling better

One long walk.

A half failed cooking experiment.

My boyfriend back.

Two kittens who have finally forgiven me for having Allen leave us for 2 days.

The SNL commercial parody marathon.

Chocolate.

My kitten sitting on my phone, then getting scared when I called it.

A lot of making out.

Getting the brita water to work again.

And finishing homework.

And I feel better than I did this morning.

Why I am down today

Last night, I somehow fell asleep on my back. Which almost never happens, cause I'm not too comfortable on my back. The only way that happens is if I'm uncomfortably tossing and turning, and somehow turn over on my back for a few seconds to try something different, and that's where I fell asleep. This has happened maybe...4 times since starting college? And I always wake up and feel kind of odd afterwards.

And I always remember my dreams when sleeping on my back. And they're generally leave me in a strange mood.

So, in this one, there was a Renaissance faire at UCLA. So despite hating UCLA's policies on admissions and such, I went there and hung out with the yeoman. That was awesome.

While there, I saw a person who I used to consider a friend, but had an awful falling out with. And I greeted her, and we talked, and there was no. bitterness. And that was amazing. I didn't have any problems with her, and she didn't have any problems with me. We recognized in the dream how unusual it was, and how this was the first time we had talked since the falling out happened, but there wasn't any accusing or hating. There was just an acceptance that it happened, and normal conversation.

Later in the conversation, we met up with her boyfriend, who the falling out was just as bad with. He was surprised that I was talking to them, but went along. Later in that, he said "I'm so sorry for any of my part in the mess." and I said the same. And there was, again, no bitterness and no anger.

This has got me down because it could never happen. I don't think I could ever not be that bitter towards them. The dream was magical, I wasn't angry or bitter. I loved it. I wish I could be like that in actuality.

But I know I'll also never get that opportunity.

And that is why I feel down.