this week

23rd:

Evan's party!  I started out the day somewhat humorously, with a text from Allen.  "Hehe, I might have made a goof.  Do you have pierced ears?"  Which is an okay mistake to make. My ears used to be pierced, but they closed up.  They still look pierced...they just aren't.  I sent him that text, along with the fact that I was planning on getting them repierced sometime soon.

So I wrapped the presents and went on my way to Evan's house, stopping by the music store on the way to get the drum sticks.  And...instead of a one hour trip like it should have been, it was a full two and a half hour trip.

I still got there before everyone except for Allen, who looked, by the way, very nice.  We played video games and in general hung out until Jad and Craig also arrived.  Then we did gifts.  I got an awesome sweatshirt from Craig, pretty earrings from Allen, some candy from Bree, and a book from Jad.

Then Evan decided to bring out his present.  Since he had been hinting at it for a long time, we were all curious.  

He ended up getting us a Serenity roll-playing book and getting us all characters and making a minature quest for us to go on.  It was amazing.  Goodlines that came from it:

"You shot her in the ass!"

"You shot my wife in the ass?"

"Jad worked wonders on my ass."

Anyways....

About an hour or two into it, Bree got a phone call.  Apparently Brandon had been causing some trouble at home, and she was needed.  So she and Jad had to leave, and the rest of us watched Young Frankenstein.

And that's where things got kinda weird.

Apparently Jad and Bree went to a starbucks for a little while and someone threw a white powder on their car, then they got followed home and couldn't wash it off.  Bree had texted Craig, and that got all the guys over at Evan's house all riled up.  I called Bree, and found out that Brandon wasn't involved in that and everything is okay.  Jad and Brandon were even having a stake out together for their safety.  

But the guys were riled up and had tons of adrenaline now.  So we took out Evan's sparring knives and snuck up on each other around the house.  And I only had a kleenex box.  And I won.

24th

Went to McDonalds with Allen for Breakfast.  On Christmas eve.  We were such the stereotypical cute poor college couple.  Eating at McDonalds.  Staying and talking at mcDonalds for about an hour before leaving for home.

At home I basically had time to do nothing before having to go to the Comstocks for the christmas party.  Funness.  Talked mostly with Nathan about writing.  I wish I had more opportunities to interact with Nathan in a social setting, cause he's always so bent on being lethargic when I'm over visiting Sarah.  But get him out of the house and he's entertaining!  Oh, and he's going to be going to UCR.  Coolness.

At the midnight service, my mom had them sing happy birthday to me.

25th

Christmas!  My Birthday!  I got some AWESOME headphones and had a fun time.

26th

My birthday party!  Allen came over at around 12:45 and we hung out.  he brought me flowers! Orange roses!

We saw Yes Man, which was funny.  Not my normal type of movie, but nice.  I liked the Harry Potter jokes.

Then we went to the ship.  the ship.  Yes, the ship.  And I ordered Hard Cider.  And a shot of something called ''Brain Hemorrhage."

And I got giggly.

This week has been somewhat eventful

23rd:

Evan's party! I started out the day somewhat humorously, with a text from Allen. "Hehe, I might have made a goof. Do you have pierced ears?" Which is an okay mistake to make. My ears used to be pierced, but they closed up. They still look pierced...they just aren't. I sent him that text, along with the fact that I was planning on getting them repierced sometime soon.

So I wrapped the presents and went on my way to Evan's house, stopping by the music store on the way to get the drum sticks. And...instead of a one hour trip like it should have been, it was a full two and a half hour trip.

I still got there before everyone except for Allen, who looked, by the way, very nice. We played video games and in general hung out until Jad and Craig also arrived. Then we did gifts. I got an awesome sweatshirt from Craig, pretty earrings from Allen, some candy from Bree, and a book from Jad.

Then Evan decided to bring out his present. Since he had been hinting at it for a long time, we were all curious.

He ended up getting us a Serenity roll-playing book and getting us all characters and making a minature quest for us to go on. It was amazing. Goodlines that came from it:

"You shot her in the ass!"

"You shot my wife in the ass?"

"Jad worked wonders on my ass."

Anyways....

About an hour or two into it, Bree got a phone call. Apparently Brandon had been causing some trouble at home, and she was needed. So she and Jad had to leave, and the rest of us watched Young Frankenstein.

And that's where things got kinda weird.

Apparently Jad and Bree went to a starbucks for a little while

Today

I survived?

I'm sick.

I have to be better by tuesday.

I'm not cold anymore

just headachy

and sore

and sore throaty

and coughy.

And sleepy.  

I've slept so much today.

Fluting on no sleep

Well, not no sleep.  I got about...3 hours of sleep.  Ish.

I was too cold all night.  

And now I'm pretty darned sick.

And I am running on 3 hours of sleep.

And I have to play my flute and piccolo.  Professionally.

I feel dead.  Very dead.  

My cold has moved to my nose, throat, and chest.  I can't breath perfectly.  Yet hear I am.  About to play my piccolo.

I want to die.

Or sleep.

Sleep preferably.  

I miss snuggling up to people to fall asleep on couches during movies.

Note to self:

If I buy stockings at a store designed for preteens, I have to buy the M/L size, not the S/M.  I guess i'm not preteen size Small anymore.

That's a good thing.

How touching

I'm sick today.  It's been pretty miserable, not going to lie.

I never realized how little my family touches each other.  Like, in hugs or anything.  Back in Riverside, we're all kinda cuddly.  

And I'm not just talking Allen and I.  Say its me, Bree, Anna, Evan, and Allen all sitting together on a couch, we kinda drape ourselves over each other and watch a movie.  Or talk.  It's okay to be touching.

I miss that physical of contact with people when I'm in Whittier.

I wanted a hug all day.  Not just a brief "hi!" hug or a brief "goodnight!" hug, but a hug that lasts a few seconds, maybe even a minute.  A hug where you grip each other tightly, just for the hell of it.  Just because you can.  Just because you care.

I miss constant hugs.

This makes me so happy.

Lyn

hi!

11:59pmAllen

you trease

tease*

you tease you

11:59pmLyn

hmm?

11:59pmAllen

said hi and logged off

Today

12:00amLyn

oh. it was just my computer spazzing out

but I got the external to work!

12:00amAllen

yay!

12:00amLyn

and I'm burning dvds as we speak!

how do you want me to get them to you before Friday?

12:00amAllen

Andrew's been bugging me for pictures, but the pictures are in Riverside

Well, I'm hitting Riverside that night. I'll hit your place before I head off to the comedy show?

12:01amLyn

I actually figured out that I could possibly put them up and block my mother from seeing them

12:01amAllen

heheheh

how would that happen?

12:02amLyn

but I'm kinda wary about that

what time would you be in whittier? cause I do have that thing in the evening

12:04amAllen

Dunno. LSD is at 8:30 but I could stop by earlier

Whittier is sorta kinda on the way

12:04amLyn

you probably would have to

lemme see if I can find the planner to see what time we're going to Mr. Eds house

12:06amLyn

couldn't find it

but it is usually around 5:30 6ish

12:06amAllen

hmm

Crashing at the Queen Mary for two hours seems like a losing proposition, but I'll call Aaron tomorrow, see if I can hang with him until the show

12:07amLyn

yeah, exactly

12:07amAllen

You have Little angel Now?

12:08amLyn

yes

12:08amAllen

lol

12:08amLyn

in my bag

right where we put it before

yeah, I got that text and I was all "gosh dang it. That sucked

"

12:09amAllen

alright, I'm going to bed. I'll call Aaron and find out if that's doable.

Sleep well

12:09amLyn

you too!

call me tomorrow when you know

12:10amAllen

love ya

12:10amLyn

I'll let you know about the timing

love ya too

Lots and Lots of Driving and rain

So, Saturday I drove up to Riverside.  It was about 47 miles, so about an hour on the road.  It was overcast, with a little bit of spitting here an there for rain.

I went to my apartment, and Jessica was actually still there.  She briefed me on cleanliness stuff, then she eventually left. (note to self: do laundry today).  Then I waited around for Bree to call me once she got out of her final.  It took a while, but I got a text saying I could come over to drop off her stuff.  

So I got back in the car and drove the 8 miles to Bree's house.  It was drizzling a bit.  We stayed and talked for about an hour, then I had to go back and get the cookies out of my fridge so I could make them for Andrew's party.  

When I actually make it the 8 miles back over to Allen's, it's raining pretty fiercely.  And it's cold.

We edit videos and hang out for a while, then we pick up Steven and we drive the 4 miles over to Andrew's house.   

And we have a nerf gun war.  They had a nerf saw, a nerd sniper rifle (with a scope!) and a nerf revolver.  It was awesome.  Aaron would periodically take the saw (with the ammunition belts) and just spray fire all over the place.  It was epic.

About halfway through the night, they ran out of beer for the beer pong.  And because I was one of the only sober people there, I was elected to drive Steven (who is over 21) over to the nearest gas station so he could pick up a 32 pack (which we put in the back of my car, obviously.)  But...we got lost.  So I drove about another 3 or 4 miles all in suburban streets.  It was kinda epic.  I got to know Steven a bit better.

At the end of the night I drove a tipsy and sleepy Allen back over to his place.  So another 4 or so miles.  

Sunday!

We edited videos.  All day long.  Allen, Aaron and I.  Evan joined us for a bit at the end, while we were waiting for videos to finish burning.  I ended up driving to dinner and back.  Mmm mongolian bbq.  That was less than a mile of driving.  It was raining all day.

 

So not too much driving.  

Monday, however,  

I woke up around noonish, took a shower, ect.  We left for San Diego around 2 ish, after a false start once we realized that Allen needed new windshield wipers.  We drove separately, cause I would need my car down there.  There's another 70 miles.  

We stayed and caught up with Allen's family for about an hour, then left for the concert.  There was another 35 miles, in rush hour traffic.  Allen drove, but still.  We talked a lot, which was fun.  We have the magical ability to just talk and talk and talk and talk.  Fun. 

THE CONCERT WAS EPIC!

After the concert it was another 35 miles.  In POURING rain.  Like, panic inducing rain.  I have a phobia of storms, there's a prime example.  It sucked.  

Tuesday....

Well, we red ring'd of death Allen's dad's Xbox.  Yay.  Allen, determined to fix it before his dad came home, decided to drive to Riverside and back with his own Xbox.  So I drove along with him, obviously.  And we just talked.  

So that's another 140 miles.  Yay.  

Then, after eating dinner with the family, watching the first half of casablanca, and talking a LOT with Allen's family, I had to leave and drive the 80 miles back to my house in Whittier.  In pouring rain.

LOTS OF RAIN AND DRIVING!

Christmas Break

I'm probably going to write in this every day.  Cause I get that bored in Whittier.

----

I was at Mervyns, shopping with my dad, and a little girl got her hair stuck in the down escalator.  And we had problems getting it shut off.  And she started screaming each time a stair came down, hitting her on the head.  Then her sister started screaming, then her grandmother...

And a huge crowd kinda surged forward, crowding around.

I immediately ran to the shoe department, notified them that someone was hurt, but no one could get through the crowd.  

So I yelled "EVERYONE BACK UP AND GIVE SOME ROOM!"

And, surprisingly, people did.  

Apparently I still have the drum major voice.  And my Mervyns emergency training.

The little girl is alright.  Not wonderful.  Her hair was cut off, and she was bleeding a bit from the head, but she was able to walk upstairs to first aid with no problem.  She was bawling, though.

Nightmare

I was an evil Robot.  And I was programmed to kill this one guy, who was the son of the leader.  For some reason I thought they were a clan of jedi, but that might've been my own misconception.

But, because I was an evil robot, I was programmed to have feelings.  And I kinda fell in love with the guy I was supposed to kill.  He was nice, funny, and one of those all around good guys.  

But I killed him.  By electrocuting him.  Underwater.  He was screwed.

Then the leader found me and shot me in the head.

BUT!

Because I was a robot, I was able to reboot, with only a very minimum amount of memory loss.  Of course, the memory loss was along the lines that I forgot who this guy was an I forgot that I was supposed to kill him.

And because he was a jedi he was able to come back alive.  

and they decided to take me in, cause I couldn't remember needing to kill him.  And I fell in love with him again.  But I still had the programming to kill him.

WEIRD!

Late at night stuff

Sometimes I just get meh.

Like, right now I really want to punch someone.  I'm not sure why.  But I do.

Grandma's in the hospital.

another test

lets try this again

Testing...testing...

This is only a test for something at work.

Dream?

So I was a Bear Facts counselor again, but I was late to the meeting because I was really dizzy.  So I had no time to establish the rules or anything.  But my entire group consisted of all my mentees for honors...so it was okay.  They understood I was dizzy earlier.  It became more of a weird group of friends rather than a time of me leading everyone around.  I wasn't very effective as a BFOC, but I actually had fun that time.

But then, because I was late, I was put into an insane asylum with my mother, Bree, Jad, Allen, Jim my next door neighbor, Evan, Anna, Beth, Professor Jayme, Waiko, Noel, Brian, Andrew Mena, my Uncle Wes, Jessica Ivers, Carrie, Sarah, Dominique, and Ricky.  I guess they were late to something as well.  

In order to survive at the insane asylum, we had to break into a Costco without being detected.  We did so by cutting a hole through the wall of a Home Depot next to it.  We sat Jim down in a bright Orange vest next to us to make people think we were actually working for Home Depot.  Somehow, it worked.  

However, once we got into Costco, we were tackled and put into a wilderness.  A wilderness that had many many rivers to swim in.  They were all connected, but only half of them had Piranhas.  

Anyways, we were all having a ball of a time playing in the rivers.  There were parades, and my Uncle Wes put on a Suit of Armor to swim in.  Then we never saw him again.

We were all swimming, and Allen started a splashing war.  And Bree discovered a water slide connected to one of the rivers.  We were playing on that, the water was an emerald green, and having a blast.  Then Allen ran off somewhere, and I followed.  We stumbled upon another pond, it was calm and clear and opaque.  We waded in....

...and then were attacked by piranhas.   We ran up the side of the bank and behind some of the trees and found a castle.  We ran in there (the piranhas were still following us).  The piranhas then got shot down by poisonous darts, and Allen and I were suddenly in a giant playground.  Huge statues of greek gods stared down at us, as well as skyscraper sized swingsets and slides.  

Some people came up and followed us, they got shot with the poisonous darts.  It didn't kill them, just gave them a nasty welt and a sick stomach.  

So this is it

Downey Savings was bought out.

My dad has at least a months worth of work.  We don't know after that.

The oddest dream

So this isn't quite linear, but it's odd.  

So, I dreamed that Beth, Allen, and I were visiting a strange place that was a combination between Poland and Utah.  Instead of having bars, they had Soda bars.  They only served fancy types of soda.  It was kinda delicious and amazing.  We went Soda bar hunting, and got hyped up on caffeine.

Then, one day, we were driving through the country side (and Anna and Bree and Sarah were magically there with us even though they weren't for the Soda Bar part) and we ran across a Renaissance store.  I of course rushed in to try to find a bodice.  They only had chain mail bras and beaded stuff and they got really upset when I asked for a real bodice.  Apparently the government had outlawed them, except for people who actually worked for the government.  Allen was able to get leather armor, which he wore for the rest of the dream.  

We moved on to other kitchy little stores, but then, someone was following us, taking sniper shots at us.  The store officials had tipped off the government, and now they were hunting us down. Bree disappeared at this point.  We were told she was taken by the government.

Soon we were being all out hunted.  Beth disappeared, and so did Anna and Sarah.  It turned into Allen and I running from everyone.

We were hiding at the UCR commons (though still in Poland/Utah) beneath the outside set of stairs.  Yeah, you guys know which ones.  All of the sudden, though, a pair of velociraptor guards walked by.  They didn't notice Allen and I at that point.  However, some of the peer mentors walked by and noticed us.  So we got taken into this weird prison that was mostly underground, where they made us put on these sensor collars that made the Velociraptors hunt us even more.  We spent a large amount of time running from the Velociraptors.  At one point I had fallen over and had to get up in a hurry, and I was apparently very involved in this dream, cause I actually tried to physically get up, but my bed is to the side of the wall in my apartment, and I literally raised myself up in bed and hit my head against the wall.  It still hurts a bit.  

So Allen and I were put in a "reprogramming camp" where we had to participate in activities or be torn apart by the velociraptors.  Then the organized us by physical ability, and because of my hypoglycemia I got placed in a lower group of priority than Allen, and we were separated.  

Then it came time to officially be reprogrammed.  I was being herded down some stairs, and the person at the bottom of the stairs was none other than Ted Fay from my Romania team.  He was wearing dark robes and a mask, but I still recognized him, and he recognized me.  He pulled me aside and told me to go into the spanish reprogramming section, cause then I wouldn't know what they were saying and it'd be useless for me.  I grabbed Ted by the arm and told him to find Allen and send him in there with me.  Ted just looked at me through the mask and shoved me back into the crowd.

I waited at the Spanish reprogramming, and about half an hour later I was rejoined by Allen.  We hugged and waited for the reprogramming tv show to be over.  Neither of us were brainwashed.  

Everyone was rushed outside, where everyone was given a gun and they had to shoot a cameraman.  I looked around, and almost everyone I recognized was doing so.  Allen and I looked at each other, then started running away.

The dream ended in a stereotypical movie fashion where I heard a voice over saying:  "And then they ran.  They didn't know what would happen.  They didn't know if they would live.  But they still ran."

Note to self

Actually talk to people about my good times!

medical update

So my wrist isn't broken, I have a "severe bone contusion" And I have to wear the brace for the next two weeks.

And it ACHES in this cold. Aches like nothing else.

Sometimes I have to work on being optimistic. It doesn't come easy to me, especially when I have to depend on someone else for stuff.

But when I get super pessimistic, I need to remember certain things. I need to remember the random texts from Bree with the random science facts, random facebook chats with Evan when we're sitting next to each other, random kisses on the top of my head from Allen while we're watching Battlestar Galactica together, random singing and choir outbursts from Anna, random encouragements from Whitney and Dominique, grocery shopping with Anna, random song lyric texts and IMs from Beth, and random times when Jessica and I end up dressing completely opposite from each other.

So

I fell down and my wrist might be broken.  It hurts, and I am typing with my left hand now.  

In a blogging mood, but with nothing to write about

This will be random.

I need to go to sleep in at least an hour. Why? Cause I'm going to church. A new church.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm going. There was nothing "wrong" with my old one, it had amazing worship, okay preaching, and a fun atmosphere.

But lately I just felt out of place there. One sunday I just felt so wrong, so out of place, like a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle box. Like I knew there was a place for me, it just wasn't anywhere near where I was.

That's actually something I've been feeling a lot lately. Like I know there's a place for me, I'm searching in the same general type of surrounding that I'm supposed to be, but there's something wrong with it. I don't know what it is.

My classes this quarter suck. For the first time at UCR, I feel like I'm not learning a thing. That...really makes me uneasy. I mean, Screenwriting is interesting, but I want to get to WRITING! I feel like I haven't done ANY! And that SUCKS! Maybe I've been out of my fiction classes for too long. Who knows.

I feel out of place in my friends sometimes. Not always, just sometimes. I want to just forget myself and be myself. I can sometimes do that with these friends, but not always. Sometimes it's fun to go to the theater parties. I don't drink, but it's okay for me to act something crazy, sometimes sensual, sometimes weird, sometimes quirky, and sometimes kinda off-kilter. But othertimes I feel horribly awkward in front of them. And it's weird, but I feel horribly awkward with the theater people at the times when I feel completely at home with my other friends. I can't really define it. The only person who crosses over these boundaries is Allen. I can (generally) feel comfortable with him. Generally.

Well, if you're reading this blog, then you probably know a bit about my life lately, and know that in the last part of september Allen and I broke up, then got back together three days later. One of the things that's still bugging me about it is the fact that I was taken completely by surprise by it. I had no clue he was having doubts about our relationship. And that scares me. Will that happen again? Will I just be blissfully unaware that something's going to crash, something's going to change, something's going to blow up, something's going to fall, something's going to explode?

And will I know if things will fall apart in other aspects? If I wasn't able to tell in an intimate relationship, how will I tell other places?

Early at work with little to do.

So, no facebook for me this week. It gets me too frustrated and angry. Not at facebook, and I probably can avoid it, but we all know the "anger off" switch doesn't always work too quickly for me. It takes work. So, to help me work on it this week, I'm avoiding the issue. Lovely rational, right? Yup.

So now I need a new way to amuse myself at work.

IM me. Please.

Four?

So, I've talked before about how there's three people in the world I hate.  That number might be changing.

But then again, it might not.

I was thinking about the people I "hate".  Just to enumerate, there's the person who messed with me, the person who messed with my family, and the person who messed with my friend.

And the person who messed with a friend...well I've been thinking about him. In the long run my friend turned out okay.  And he sorta dropped off the face of the world.  And I haven't had ANY sort of contact.  The wounds he gave my friend have faded, and she is now a well adjusted human being.  I'm not close friends with her anymore, but we certainly talk still.  And she is fine.

So that would make the number down to two, right?

Wrong.

Lotsa people think the know two of the people on my list.  They think it's Marina and Luis.  Whatever.  They're not that important in that scheme of things.  Yeah, they hurt me, but all in all I grew from the experience.  

However, there is someone who is BUGGING THE CRAP out of me.  Like, I get kinda mad just at the mere mention of her.  

This is not a good thing.

I saw her the other day, and it kinda got me in an angry mood for a while.  And then she keeps on doing stuff on the internet.  And I just get frustrated.

What a lovely thing.

Depressed and I don't know why.

For some reason, lately, I've just been as depressed as heck.  I can't really identify why, either. I get frustrated with my friends really easily, I'm having trouble writing, I feel like I can't go to church, I feel like everything's falling apart.

And to make it even more frustrating, I HAVE NO REASON TO BE THIS WAY.

I love Audeamus

So today was a meeting.  We were stuck in an office for it, so we all crammed in there.

We have a better mood in there, anyways.  

So, we pulled apart plastic frogs, talked about Patrick and Kevin's play, talked about AJ beaming the internet up on the wall through his eyes, talked about programming and amazing poster design, decided we had different levels of quirk, put up a bunch of information, decided on phase 2 of the audeamus website, named "prettydeamus", talked a surprising amount about theater, got three quotes while in the meeting, and obsessed about Mr. Bumbledeer.

I love that group.

Vampire dream

So, it started out by my family going camping.  They were going to pick me up at Riverside, but my parents forgot the one book I was supposed to be reading, so I convinced them to take me to the Used bookstore in riverside so I could get something to read.  And I could only read the "second" and "third" book in the Twilight series (even though I hated the first one.)

So we basically tore that bookstore upside down trying to find it, and we were unsuccessful.  They had books with the same cover, books about finding God in Twilight, books about vampires, scripts about vampires, but not the book.

And then real vampires started invading the store.  I went and hid in the restroom, and I cried foul to anyone who tried to come in, cause that wasn't fair, cause I was in the bathroom.

Good days and optimism

There need to be so many more good days.

I Imed a friend from Whittier yesterday, saying "things are actually looking up."

And I realized I don't say or recognize that near enough.

Me

I am not perfect.  And I need to be less so.

I'm always concerned with trying to appear perfect.  Cover up any nasty backstory.  

And don't always ask, just do.

I'm always worried about offending people if I do, though.  I want to just say things, do things, make mistakes, act impulsively.  But...I don't want to cross boundaries that make people uncomfortable.  I don't want to assume stuff that hurts people.  I don't want to just act and end up losing people because of it.  

And then that puts me right back into the "appear" and "be" perfect mode.  And that has far too high a cost.

I can't help but think of all the things that can go wrong.

I am forced to think of the consequences of my actions.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO.

Things I'm grateful for

• That my parents were driving down towards this area anyways.
  
• That there was a Kohls so close to the starbucks
• That Jad and Evan were willing to sit with a girl in the middle of the rotunda lounge in the commons and talk to me and hug me when I was crying...for a full hour.
• That Jad and Evan took away the caffeinated drink when we realized how bad it was for me.  (never again will I buy sobe.)
• That Bree is willing to leave her house immediately to come visit me.
• That the starbucks had a guy just in his boxers there.
• That I wasn't pmsing...seriously, that would've sucked.
• That Evan was visiting his friend anyways and could just come downstairs.
• That Jessica was watching her friends play football.
• That Jeff was so protective of me.
• That Mr. Price was so nice and wanted to read my stories.
• That I already have final draft...totally random, but it made a tough assignment relatively pain free.
• That Sarah is willing to drive up here and visit me.
• That swirl has easy to stomach flavors.
• That Anna is genuinely concerned with me not feeling awkward.
• That the fifth element dvd worked
• That I saw my old bosses, and they were really excited about me getting the interview and they said they would put in a good word for me.
• That Evan risks being awkward to ask me how I'm doing.
• That Jad trusts me and cares enough to send me random encouraging emails.
• That Bree's hair curls so well.
• That the botanical gardens were open today.

Being sick is never fun

Yesterday I was sick.  Not fun.  Not fun at all.  Nothing serious, just lots and lots of feeling shaky and nauseated and sore throatish.  Allen came over, which helped.  A lot.  

So, the night that I woke up sick, I had an odd dream:

Someone gave me an elaborate sari with turquoise beads.  We were in a shopping store.  Then a dragon with machine guns on his wings came and tried to blow stuff up and everyone screamed and the area was destroyed.   I had to run down a narrow hallway after some people with dust flying everywhere and gunshots going everywhere and I had barbeque sauce on my face.  Someone stole the black part of my Sari, only leaving the fancy turquoise part.  Then I hitched a ride on the back of a truck, which had a T.V. that was airing all the footage of the dragon and the destruction it caused.  There was gray dust flying everywhere, and it turned my blue Sari an ugly blue gray color.  The truck was bumpy, and everyone was crying.

New places give me weird dreams

So, in my dream last night, I was borrowing someone's cruise ship.  I don't know why, I just was.  It was going to be just me on the boat (with the exception of my little Filipino captain...I don't know why he was little or why he was Filipino.  He wore a nice blue coat).  

So, at one of the stops, I went to a restroom in a high class denny's.  And I mean high class.  The sinks all had warmed water and scented soap and singing miniature ducks.  I don't know why.

While coming out of the restroom, I ran into a beautiful model.  She tried to talk to me, ask where I was going (the answer was Canada) asked me about the boat, then tried to get me to stay in LA for the modeling industry, saying I have the ability to model clothing for "non-beautiful people".  I declined.  On my way back to my boat, a guy distracted me, trying to sell me something that I just didn't want, but he wouldn't say no.    

I got back to my boat, and the beautiful model had invited all her model friends and had decided to take my boat.  Said she was suing me.  And then the cops came and locked up my Filipino captain and put me in a reeducation camp, where I learned I was actually a robot (I've been writing way too much) and I actually had to save a giant turtle from a giant shark-lion.  

Somethings just present themselves as humorous

So today, I went in to get my car serviced, and walked to the Starbucks to write for a little while.

At the starbucks, there were about seven older gentlemen in crisp white shirts and nice navy slacks just sitting around, drinking coffee and laughing. It was obvious they were related. I went to my corner and set up my laptop and started to write.

And then the women showed up, all wearing nice black skirts and white tops.

They were having a family reunion. IN STARBUCKS.

And they all ordered the same thing: Tall Iced White Mocha Lattes.

And they were all seventh day Adventists.

Having a family reunion.

In starbucks.

They even took the family picture together.

At starbucks.






On a totally other note, click this:

http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/

"Head up Billy Buddy, there's no time for mercy..."

"Here goes no mercy..."

So, its no secret to my friends that I'm writing a screenplay.  It has evolved in my mind from being an action packed "blow-em-up" science fiction to something that I can only really describe as "indie" science fiction.  It's quirky.  It's more based on their intelligence rather than fast paced action scenes.

(that is one of my concerns, that it isn't fast paced enough.  It's actually moving rather slow.  But that'll be stuff for the revision.)

Anyways, for the dark moment, I had to kill of a character.  And it wasn't just any character, it was the kinda dorky, nerdy kind of character, the one who's always nice in a really awkward sort of way, with lots of brains but is a bit too shy to always use them.  And he had to die.

And it wasn't even a heroic death.  He got punched in the face, fell, and then the main villain steps on his shoulder and shoots him in the back of his head.  

I felt like a bad person killing him off.

Dream last night...odd

So my dream was kinda on the odd side. 

I was in a foresty environment for most of it. Thick trees and such. Lots of small trails and pathways. However, it also meant there was no privacy. 

So in this dream I was still dating Allen and I still hung out with all my current friends when we were in the forest. But there was a clear distinction between good and evil, and the evil people stalked the forest. And one really liked spying on me. Which was abundantly obvious in the forest. I'd be going along in my day, doing work, making out with allen, changing, and I'd look over and see this guy staring at me. (Strangely enough, he looked like the guy who I met at the coffee shop who came over and talked to me because I was "interesting.")

I'd be walking around in the forest and see this guy, and tried very hard not to notice him staring. Which is an awkward thing to do, because you always notice it on some level.

But then, we moved out of the forest and into Glen Mor. And I really wanted a puppy, so I kept a puppy in Glen Mor. Lizzie was okay with it, but Jessica was upset by it. But we had a corner room, so our balcony had a little garden, so the puppy just stayed out there.

And as soon as we all got settled down and bought name brand high fashion stuff for the puppy and planted high trees so creepy evil guy couldn't see into our apartment, a (different) evil force came and took us all as slaves. Well, all of us with good affiliation. All slaves. We were put into giant cages, and the giant gods of good and evil bid on us, despite what our previous affiliations were. 

Allen got picked by the chaotic neutral god, and we weren't allowed to say goodbye.

Then the creepy evil guy asked his god to buy me, and he did. And I was placed in the same section, as an assassin for this evil god. And I had no choice but to obey.

In my little "core group" of this evil god, there was me, evil creepy guy, and a creeper. This other creeper was overweight and wouldn't stop flirting with me outright. So, while on our trips and assassin stuff, I often tried to hang out with the first evil creepy guy, cause the worst thing he ever did was try to give me jewelry. This new creepy guy was always trying to grab me and make out with me. 

Then, on one of the assassination attempts, I ran into Allen. He was doing something random, creating anarchy. We just looked at each other then hugged. and then I had to continue the assassination attempt and say goodbye. And the original evil creepy guy who was more of a friend wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the attempt (which was in a grocery store, weirdly enough.)

A series of texts: A conversation with my boyfriend

Me:  I just had a really awkward guy try to flirt with me.  At a coffee shop inside of borders.  Thank you for being so much smoother than that.

Allen:  The webcomic guy?  Or someone completely random?  Lol.

Me:  Someone completely random who heard me talk about fantasy books.  Then, when I  sat down to write he came up and started talking.  Said I was interesting.

Allen:  Rofl.  You're cute.  Deal with it.

Me:  Lol.  Gee.  Thanks for your overwhelming support.

Captian Hammer here, hair blowing in the breeze

I have songs stuck in my head.  ^

I'm in Northern California for the second time this month.  Yay.  I usually only go once a year.

But Davis is new.  Mostly, its a college tow.  A real college town.  With ten million and one boba and tea shops.  Which everyone knows I love.

And then there's all the little shops that are just too much fun.  And the massive section of organic foods in the regular grocery store (which included Organic Cup of Noodles!)  And all the trees and nice areas.

If this school had a creative writing department I would so move up here.  The area is beautiful.  Its so much a college community.

The last 5 days

(because the world can't have enough Musical theater references...)

Thursday:

Knotts day!  It was awesome.  Hung out with Liz the entire time.  We went on pretty much every ride.   And we also tried the new ride.  Pony express.  Which was definitely built by a man who has no mind for boobs.

The mechanics of the ride kinda force you to lean against a fake pony head.  And for the guys that worked perfectly.  But for the girls, it means your boobs are continuously forced against the hard plastic.  And its a bumpy ride.  Totally uncomfortable.

Friday:

So I got to riverside around 10:15ish.  Pretty cool.  I went and paid off my taps ticket (freaking taps...) then went to the housing services to pick up the parking permit (freaking envelope stuffers...)  Then went over to Allen's.  Yay!  We laughed at his failed attempt to make coffee cake and go down to run errands on campus.

Then we meet at Evans.  And play DnD.  Which was awesome in its own way.  I got to play a character that basically did whatever it wanted.  And I could possibly blow stuff up.  Awesomeness.

Then we went for boba and fried rice.  Then we went to Allen's and listened to "the rapist."  And danced a bit.

Then we swam at Bree's!  And I got to show off my rather horrendous sunburn.  

Saturday:

Left Bree's at about 10:30ish.  And experienced a rather beautiful drive down there, with alternate mapquest directions.  The road it told me to get off on was gorgeous.  Full of trees and rocks and hills and a sunflower farm.  The only problem with it is that it dead ended before hitting the proper road.  And...I took right.  It only took me a few miles to realize I went the wrong way.

Jessica's party was kinda great.  Allen's family is already kinda fun to be around, even more so when they're slightly tipsy.  

The best part of the night had to deal with his bouncy little seven (?) year old cousin.  They offered me cake, which I had to decline because of the extreme levels of sugar I had had that day.  So...they just handed it as a second piece to the already hyper little boy.  And he just stuck his fork in it and lifted the entire piece up and ate it.  Then he started zipping across the room and saying hi to random people.  

Sunday:

Got to spend some time with Allen, thankfully.  I still had to leave for Beth's.

But then...RADIOHEAD!  I mean, the car ride with L. was kinda awkward, mostly because I tried to be somewhat civil and it obviously just made him feel totally uncomfortable but whatever.  He can't spoil Radiohead.

They were...breathtaking.  Utterly breathtaking.  The light show, the music, the sounds, the vibrations, the people yelling and clapping, the random celebrities walking by (OMG I SAW THE GUY WHO PLAYS JIM ON THE OFFICE!)

And Radiohead was awesome.  

Hate

There are only three people in the world I hate.  I've said that many times, but today I had a weird experience with it.

Namely through the "People you may know" section of facebook.

So, I was briefly glancing through it.  Usually its cool, finding people I know, laughing at the person who defriended me when I got radiohead tickets first, seeing people from elementary school, and then...

The person I least expected to see on that list appeared.

I mean, two of the three people I hate are my age.  One of them went to High School with me and messed with me, and the other went to high school with a friend and messed with a friend.  It'd be kinda logical to see them pop up on facebook.  They're at least in my generation.

But no.  This guy is around 50 now.  And somehow we know enough people in common to "possibly know each other".  It freaks me out.  Of course, out of all three people I hate, this is the guy that utterly frightens me the most.  The guy I'm most afraid of seeing again.  The guy that, if he showed up at UCR or something, I'd call the police.  Or leave the school.  

But why the heck is he on facebook?  He's a freaking 50 year old guy!  Why the heck would he need a facebook?

Garfield minus garfield

I kinda stumbled on something interesting. Everyone knows the comic garfield, right? Well, someone on the internet took all traces of Garfield out of the comic, leaving only Jon Arbuckle. The comic is so freaking depressing now. http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/post/32126020 and http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/post/29219552

Random thoughts

These last few days have been wonderful.  I love my friends.  As with all good friends, thoughts happen when you're with them.  So here are some:

• We all love contradictions.  For example, we all laugh on the line in Dr. Horrible:  "It's a brand new day/and the sun is high/and all the angels sing/that you're gonna die."  And we love the turnaround.  We love the image of all being happy and angels singing and then "you're gonna die."  We love the idea on screen of a couple fighting, and that's how they show they love each other.   We love the idea of a villain that believes wholeheartedly that they are correct.  
• It's hard for me to sit still.  I blame ADD.  But, after one day of watching movies basically all day long, it was hard for me to keep my mind on one track the next day.  So movies make ADD worse?  Or is it that long periods of movies affect.
• I blame Beth for this next one:  It's easier to stomach gory movies if you see the "making of." that includes the gory blood details.  However, gore in movies does not make up for crappy acting.
• Thrift stores have everything, unless you're specifically looking for it.  Its the Murphy's law of thrift stores.
• It's kinda a mind trip if there's someone at the same party/area/hangout as you who looks like you from behind.  Especially if you have kinda distinctive hair.  I kept on thinking I was looking at myself whenever I glanced at Beth with her new haircut with her back towards me.  It was surreal.
• My mind thinks in musical theater.
• It's always interesting to be on the other side of problems that you once were in.  Always interesting, and a bit haunting.

Quiet? Shy? Too loud?

At school everyone tells me to be louder.  More outspoken.  Project while singing.  Belt it.  Have more confidence in my voice.  Don't whisper sing.

The one time, the ONE time I've decided to practice singing at home, I get halfway through redoing "Gimmie Gimmie" from Thoroughly Modern Millie, and my sister comes in and yells at me to be quieter.  

The problem with Christianity.

Or: Why I don't like visiting churches.

Let me preface this immediately:  I am a Christian.  I don't know if I could be considered a strong Christian, as I have crisises (crisi?) of faith around two or three times a year.   So weak Christian?  I don't think I'm that bad.  

Anyways, yes.  I am still a Christian.  I consider myself a Christian.  Most people consider me a Christian.  Whatever.  Not that that matters too much.

But Christianity as an institution bothers me sometimes.  Make that most of the time.

For one thing, we're a religion based on forgiveness, yet, most of the time, we judge.  Yeah, that's almost become stereotypical to say, but its true.  We have little tolerance for mistakes.  

We're a religion of perfectionists.  And that sucks.

And its ignoring a huge issue. The church, as an institution, is supposed to bring people closer to God.  And its fine with "keeping" people close to God.  It likes those who are closer to God.  

But what about those who struggle with their faith?  If (and this is a pretty huge if) they ever mention it, they get a "pray and read the bible" band-aid, and that's all.  They might get a copy of "40 days of purpose", if they're lucky.

Furthermore, everyone would feel uncomfortable.  Awkward.  We make all this small talk at church, but no one really likes to hear about someone's deep and utter misery.  

And then that's the struggling with their faith side of it.  What about sins we constantly warn and judge against?  What about lying?  What about stealing?  What about sexual sin?

That's a big one.  The church is always warning against it.  "Don't have sex before marriage, you'll fail!"  "Don't do this, it'll mess you up for life!"  "Don't do this, you'll be forever changed!"

While I'm not saying that this isn't a big issue, I think we're losing track of the VERY thing our faith is based on. Forgiveness.  Are you saying that sexual sin is too big for God to forgive?  Are you saying that sexual sin is outside of God's realm?  Yes, I'm not arguing that it could cause some issues, or guilt, or differences in opinion, but come on, God can forgive those, too.   God's bigger than your sin, and he's bigger than a dirty mind.  He can still use a person no matter what, even if they're "sinful" or "dirty" or "twisted".

(and to my mother, who might be worried, don't worry, this isn't about me, this is an attitude I've observed.)

But could a person really get help in church for this?  What help is available?  People would just sit back and feel uncomfortable and tell them to pray.

Say, if, in my college aged bible study at Whittier Hills, when someone asked how I was, and I said "I've been seriously doubting that God even exists" (which I doubt about twice a year), I'd get a double take, a concerned face, and they would ask if I've prayed about.  Then move on to a less uncomfortable topic of conversation.

Cars? Say what?

I've been busy the last few days.  Went out to Riverside to spend the night with Bree, then go get my paycheck, then go to a photoshoot, then go to see Andrew Mena in his Charlie Brown play (aww), then go spend the night over at Allen's, then hang out with him all the next day.  I got back at about midnight last night.

So, the really big occurrences these last two days happened around cars.  

When Allen was driving over to Bree's house, his check engine light came on.  When we got there, it turns out his OIL WAS COMPLETELY OUT.  (Cue "and this is how Lyn learns how to check oil.")  (Cue also "And this is when Lyn learns that it is darned near impossible to find what type of oil an older car uses on the internet)

So we decided to go on an adventure to find oil.  At approximately 11:56 pm.  Approximately.  So we (me, Allen, Bree, Jad, and Evan) piled into my car to go to Kreagans.  Evan looked  up Dr. Horrible's sing along blog on his iphone, and we plugged it into my car's speakers.  AMAZING!

Kreagans was closed.

So was walmart.

We ended up going to a gas station.

Friggin Insomnia!

So, ever since coming home from bear facts, I've had nightmares.  They've been somewhat annoying.  

The first night I dreamt I needed to find someone who had been shot.  My sleep-self thought it was Laura Roslin, for some reason.  But once I found her, the room blew up.  And then I was beaten up by a fat guy.

The next night I dreamt I was thrown in prison for 20 years and had Darth Vader as a cell mate.  And he wouldn't stop singing the Fresh Prince of Bel Air song.  And once I got out of prison I found that everyone else had moved on with their lives, and there was no one left to talk to.  Depressing.

The next night (last night) I had to attend a wedding in the same church that Mrs. Endemano's funeral was held, and I couldn't concentrate on the friend's wedding because I kept on thinking about dead people.  (even in my dreams I have ADD.) 

But tonight...I just can't sleep.  I'm utterly exhausted.  I walked 2.5 or 3 miles today.  I should be sleeping soundly.  I should've been fast asleep by 11 or something.  But no.  My mind's going too fast.  Way too fast.  As in, why am I even thinking about this fast.

Sometimes I worry to much.  I worry about things in my past becoming a pattern.  I worry that I'll push people away by worrying.  I worry that my worrying is unattractive, counter productive.  And that of course does wonders when I'm an insomniac.

I just want to sleep!  I want to just wake up feeling well rested!  The last two nights I took nyquil, and that didn't work.  I just...want to sleep.  Its repetitive.  But that's really what's going through my mind.

And then I remember the other major times I've had insomnia.  Sophomore and Junior Year of high school.  Not good times for me.  Last summer, mid august.  Also not good time.  Last February.  Not so wonderful.   And remembering the insomnia brings back the reasons for the insomnia.  Which are always lovely to revisit.  

I just want to sleep.  I was hoping I could bore myself into sleeping.  I'm frustrated with the book I was reading.  I can't write in this state of mind.  I don't want to read anything that actually requires a coherent brain.  

Sleep would be nice.

coffee shops and assumptions

So, today I walked over to the Big Straw.  Yeah, that's about three miles away.  Only problem I had were a few guys wolf whistling.  That's it.  

Anyways, once I got there, I found out that the cafe is mostly populated with biola students.  And, after getting there, apparently everyone assumed I was a biola student.  Loverly.

I wrote there for quite a while.  People came and went, but one unique thing about this coffee shop was that everyone was really really friendly.  As in, they were all curious what I was doing.  And when I said writing a script they all got excited and started talking about the Biola film program.  I had to explain that yes, I am a film student but no, I don't go to biola.  

"Oh!  Are you just visiting down here?"

"No, my family lives here."

"Oh!  Where are you from?"

"Whittier.  I go to school in Riverside."

"Riverside?  All the way out there?  They have a film program?"

"Sorta."  

lemoncello and walking the dog

So, when I'm home, my parents give me stuff to drink occasionally.  Nothing serious.  The worst (best?) thing they've given me is a chocolate martini.  And all that did was make me very (very) talkative.  But then, I was also around people.

So tonight my parents gave me a glass of lemoncello (which is basically lemon juice and vodka and a little bit of sugar).  And then told me to go walk the dog.  So I didn't have anyone to talk to.  

So basically, my mind started to wander.  I started to think about life, death, summer, love, friends, and the past.  Specifically last summer.

This summer is already ten times better than last.  I have reliable, dependable friends who won't backstab me.  This time I'm confident that I won't lose them.  I can actually be myself, be my weird, nerdy, abnormal self, and not have to worry that they'll reject me.  

I thought about how I've changed.  My self esteem isn't based on people who might reject me.  It isn't based on people who did reject me.  And I think I'm a better person for it.

That to say, I also gave a significant part of my walk to the thought of death.  And how gross decaying bodies are.  I swear, that was my thought process.  

And not to mention I thought about how humorous it would be to have a messed up tattoo:

"Just my name.  Bob."

...after a while...

"There's two 'O's in Bob, right?"

So random.

New blog

I'm very tired of Myspace's blogging feature.  I might still post blogs there, but not too often.  I'm not too much a fan of the formatting, the rules, and the limits.  So no more.

My other blog, my xanga (the how-can-you-tell-I-still-deal-with-drama blog) is much more secret.  As in, only like three people read it.  Which isn't exactly what I'm aiming for.  I'm aiming for more of a blog I can email people, show them how I'm doing, without having to worry about them stumbling along on some weird thing in my xanga history or the weirdness of my myspace.

So.  Entry.

Today I went over to Sarah's and we ran her dogs.  Yeah, the little dachshunds.  Wiener dogs.  It was night, the street lamps were humming.  The pavement was still warm, and the wind was cool.  

There's something primally pleasurable about running through the night.  Its not hot, its not cold, its not bright, but pleasant.  Its silent enough that you can hear your heartbeat along with your footsteps and the clicking of the little dogs' claws against the pavement.

And the little humor of the dachshunds helped.  I mean, those dogs are meant to be funny.  They tried to attack a cat.  I'm pretty sure that cat would have whooped them if we hadn't gotten the leashes away.  And the leashes were those spiffy extendable ones.  Kinda fun to have the tiny dog run up ahead, then you stop the leash from extending.  They're almost light enough that they get airborne.  But not quite.  

And then walking around at night with a friend.  

I always like walking around.  Walking with a friend only makes it better.  I talk more when I'm walking or physically moving around.  Its weird, but its true.  I'm more apt to share a secret or divulge about something thats been bugging me.  That's why I walk around when I talk on the phone.  If I didn't I wouldn't really talk, I'd just listen.