I went to Christian school until high school. This is not why I am a Christian, it just gave me a basis of knowledge for the bible. My friends called me a Bible geek. And to be called a bible geek in a Christian school is a bit of something.
My first year of college strengthened my faith. Contradictory, I know, but it happened. Probably talking to all the different people who actually had different ideas made me think about my own more. And it helped.
Yet now, I find myself embroiled in a huge conflict of faith. Calvinism, Predestination, Sovereignty, the goodness of God, all these huge ideas in my head, and I can't get any of them out. Not with talking, not with writing, nothing.
I tried talking with someone, and they basically went "aww, that's cute. You're concerned about your little 'religion'." Yes. Yes. I am concerned about my religion. I am concerned about something that big and that steady in my life being shaken. I don't appreciate being patronized just because you consider yourself to be enlightened past the constraints of religion. It might not be a big thing for you, but it is to me. And trivializing it doesn't make it better.
Christian friends aren't much better. They just looked shocked that I would even consider saying some things, then shake their heads at me, saying I'll understand God's will some day.
But can this God be so cruel as to not save someone and still be the "all-good" God I've worshiped and known all these years?
1 comment:
The problem with the "all-good" thing is that we assume a God who is all-knowing and good wouldn't allow bad things to happen. But honestly, he is all-good for letting us grow and learn and experience rather than just telling us what is right and wrong. Parents are similar--they can't always prevent things from happening. He is our Heavenly Father, a parent who knows and understands more than our mortal parents. God gave us the opportunity to come down to earth and recieve a mortal body but most importantly, our free agency. Hence why good and bad things happen. Then we use our free agency when we react to said things.
As far as death goes, none of us escape it. God doesn't save certain people over others in the end. Maybe at that present time certain individuals still had things to do and experience on earth. Besides that, I believe that death is not the end. Sure, it is tough to deal with, but it is not the end for anyone. Life will go on without them and when our turn at life is over they will be waiting on the otherside.
Also, none of this hits home until we have a personal, close experience to it.
I don't think having one's faith strengthed in a new environment is contradictory at all. College doesn't equal the world of the devil. Plenty of people in college have faith and religion and live by it. This college environment is just not as protected and strict as the one you grew up in. Which is by no means wrong either, though I know a lot of people will make it seem that way.
And there is nothing wrong with questioning one's faith or beliefs. You shouldn't just believe because you're told to all your life. You shouldn't not believe because the majority of those around you may not share your views. Religion is a foundation on which to build one's faith and understanding of God and greater things. In my religion, our latter day re-establisher of the church, Joseph Smith, questioned the beliefs of those church's he was surrounded by trying to know which was the right one to join. He was met with many intimidating pastors, ministers, and priests all claiming theirs was right and he'd be damned to go to another. He then prayed alone in the wilderness asking God which was right and recieved the answer that none were. "They draw near me [God] with their lips but their hearts are far from me." More or less I give this example because I'm trying to emphasize that it comes down to you as an individual and her beliefs. And for the record, I don't honestly think it is a trivial matter at all.
I could expand more on the subject but I'll break off my comments here. I've always got a listening ear if you need one. And if not, then I hope something I've said here has at least made you feel better. ^^
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