I'm done with classes for the quarter, I just have two papers left, one's already mostly done, and the other should be fairly easy. I hope. I already got 5% extra credit on it, and I currently have an A in the class....so yeah.
That leads to something. I feel like I haven't done anything substantial this quarter. I've bs'd around five papers, and a bunch of smaller stuff. The only substantial work I've done is complete the screenplay --and that was mostly winter quarter. I feel like I've been, well, intellectually lazy. I mean, I've had tons of homework and class work to do, but I don't feel like I've been challenged in any way by school this quarter. I've been challenged by everything else, but not school. And that saddens me. I like being challenged by school. I don't like sitting idly wishing I could learn something instead.
I've been challenged in work, though. It's not easy writing websites, not easy at all. And I'll be doing this full time.
That scares me. I've gotten to the place in my life where I have a full time job. A full time desk job. It feels weird. I feel like I'm not mature enough for that. Like I'm diving into something way over my head.
Which leads to another thing. I feel like I'm vastly immature to deal with a lot of what life has thrown at me this year.
- Friends who are radically different.
- Friends who I have had problems with and resolved problems with. Problems which were mostly my fault anyways, with me being rather selfish.
- Friends who have gone through problems both big and small, and me feeling paralyzed to help them, like I don't know what to say or do.
- Two OCD roommates. Those who know me know that I like clutter. That honestly stretched my mind so much more than any film and gender class did.
- The job. Yeah. Already mentioned that.
- Renting (and paying for rent) this summer. This isn't so bad, I'll just be living at Evan's house. And it is cheap for rent, which is great. It's just odd. I'm totally financially independent this summer.
- And then the big one, that I've been somewhat hesitant to write on here for a while. A friend (not a super close friend, but a friend none-the-less) of mine was date-raped this year, and she's now pregnant. So I've had to deal with the guilt of that, the guilt of not being a super close friend to her, the guilt of not knowing what to say, the guilt of not knowing what to do, and the fear that something like this could happen to me. I have an overwhelming urge to help her in some way, but I have no idea how.
- And then add on the feeling that I'm just stalling in place, not doing anything significant...
2 comments:
You might have met him?! Holy crap!
I would have killed him.
There is nothing anyone can do for that besides be there for her. It is only going to get tougher for her over the next few months. We just need to be there for her with a smile and remind her that everything, eventually, will be better. Also, how much she is loved and cherished by her friends.
"Friends who are radically different." - I assume I'm in that category?
And yeah, all you can do is offer her your support. Our notions about how rape actually happens are incredibly out-dated. 85-90% of college age women who have dealt with sexual assault knew their attacker.
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