The first night I dreamt I needed to find someone who had been shot. My sleep-self thought it was Laura Roslin, for some reason. But once I found her, the room blew up. And then I was beaten up by a fat guy.
The next night I dreamt I was thrown in prison for 20 years and had Darth Vader as a cell mate. And he wouldn't stop singing the Fresh Prince of Bel Air song. And once I got out of prison I found that everyone else had moved on with their lives, and there was no one left to talk to. Depressing.
The next night (last night) I had to attend a wedding in the same church that Mrs. Endemano's funeral was held, and I couldn't concentrate on the friend's wedding because I kept on thinking about dead people. (even in my dreams I have ADD.)
But tonight...I just can't sleep. I'm utterly exhausted. I walked 2.5 or 3 miles today. I should be sleeping soundly. I should've been fast asleep by 11 or something. But no. My mind's going too fast. Way too fast. As in, why am I even thinking about this fast.
Sometimes I worry to much. I worry about things in my past becoming a pattern. I worry that I'll push people away by worrying. I worry that my worrying is unattractive, counter productive. And that of course does wonders when I'm an insomniac.
I just want to sleep! I want to just wake up feeling well rested! The last two nights I took nyquil, and that didn't work. I just...want to sleep. Its repetitive. But that's really what's going through my mind.
And then I remember the other major times I've had insomnia. Sophomore and Junior Year of high school. Not good times for me. Last summer, mid august. Also not good time. Last February. Not so wonderful. And remembering the insomnia brings back the reasons for the insomnia. Which are always lovely to revisit.
I just want to sleep. I was hoping I could bore myself into sleeping. I'm frustrated with the book I was reading. I can't write in this state of mind. I don't want to read anything that actually requires a coherent brain.
Sleep would be nice.
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